User:Whoopthereitis/sandbox

Robert Francis Parker
Overview

Robert Francis Parker is an American oil tycoon, musician, politician, kick-boxer, inventor, and noted unicorn racer. He is best known for translating the entire works of William Shakespeare into Spanglish while drunk in a single Sunday afternoon. His initial fame came from the discovery of a large oil reserve underneath his rural home in southern Missouri. He then sold the drilling rights to China for 387 million dollars (USD) and free pot stickers for life. He has read every book, danced to every song, and dated Taylor Swift. He likes bourbon on the rocks. He has a trusty magical dog named Jake which he adventures with. The Iron Man series of movies is roughly based on his early childhood. He was the inspiration for the character Noah in The Notebook. He wrote the score to Jurassic Park while arm-wrestling the Australian Blue-Ringed Octopus, but lost the rights to it in a backroom poker game with Jimmy Carter. His second favorite band is The Hush Sound.

Early Life

Notorious RFP (his rap name), was not born but fell from the sky into the Mojave Desert on September 4th, 1991. Still a baby, he was quickly adopted by a family of venomous desert cobras and their token black friend Steve. Experts speculated the cobras immediately recognized him as the chosen one, and named him Grandmaster Flash (a customary title for the leader of cobra tribes). By the age of one he had invented the bicycle, wrestled an immigrant, and reset the clock on a VCR. He attended pre-school at First Baptist Pre-School in Winchestertonfieldvil, Iowa, where he successfully converted the staff to Judaism. In elementary school he consistently received detention for distracting the other students with his swag. Before the age of eight, he invented the kick game by designing the now famous Air Jordan line of shoes.

Teen Years

RFP dropped out of Harvard University at the age of fourteen, in order to pursue of a life dedicated to "keeping it real". Armed with nothing but his Dawson's Creek fanny pack, a portrait of King Louis IV, and a half eaten Milky Way he trekked across the plains of the midwest to the California coast. A meager 15 minutes after embarking he arrived in Redding, California where he invented modern folk-rock-country-rap-soul-blues-pop, it's very underground you wouldn't understand. At the age of 16 he washed his laundry on the wrong settings inventing Skinny Jeans and Muscle Shirts at the same time. Always a big fan of the Sombrero, at the age of 17 he traveled to L.A. and upped the entire cities lid game. That particular en-devour inspired Martin Luther King Jr. Jr. to write the script to the 2012 NFC Championship game. At the age of 18.34 he defeated Justin Beiber in a contest of hand to hand combat and Monopoly.

Twenties

By the age of twenty he had grown tired of simply dating and decided to marry. Annoyed with the typical mating selection process of humans he posted and online application for females to fill out. There were over 4 applicants. After choosing the one with the most piercings, Cheyenne Wade, they were quickly hitched, and then divorced soon after. The details of this period are vague, but historians speculate that she didn't like his sports metaphors. Currently he is 21 years old, and is preparing to relocate to Reno, NV, USA to pursue his career as an international botanist/mall santa.

Fun Facts
 * 1) He is afraid of Nickleback.
 * 2) He drink of choice is an Old Fashioned.
 * 3) He believes the key to success is Jello.
 * 4) He is the the guy that makes the credits for films.
 * 5) His future self likes to travel back in time to make inappropriate sexual advances towards his enemies.
 * 6) His favorite color is 8.
 * 7) He has won over 300 bidding wars.
 * 8) Selena Gomez has a celebrity crush on him.
 * 9) He only sleeps on Sundays.
 * 10) His armchair is named Dave.
 * 11) His most commonly said word is Avocado.
 * 12) His least commonly said word is Tarantula.