User:Wikieditor1685/Valley of the Queens/Lightfootcrytpkeeper Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Wikieditor1685


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * Draft Of The Valley of The Queens
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Wikieditor1685/Valley_of_the_Queens?veaction=edit&preload=Template:Dashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Valley of the Queens

Evaluate the drafted changes
Lead:


 * Solid lead, interesting hook
 * Concise topic

Clarity:


 * May need to flow better?
 * Sections well put together

Coverage Balance:


 * Great list of tombs!
 * Possibly add current updates of the tombs? Are many of them open?

Neutrality:


 * Neutral tone, well done

References:


 * Beautiful sources, great adds!
 * Add more photos
 * Make sure things are cited

Spelling/Grammar etc:


 * See clarity section

Additional comments:


 * This draft is solid. Good on updating the page to the current era! Your writing fits within the neutral point of view, and your edits help clean up the page well. The inclusion of more than one source with your more academic research expands the scope of your draft well! One of my only issues with your page is the lack of images. The previous unedited page has much more images detailing temple/ tomb walls, and your descriptions need this embellishment! I also think that you could edit your wording in the section of the Eighteenth Dynasty section to make it flow better; for example, combine these two sentences (One of the first tombs constructed in the Valley of the Queens is the tomb of Princess Ahmose, a daughter of Seqenenre Tao and Queen Sitdjehuti. This tomb likely dates to the reign of Thutmose I.). Other than that, good draft. Maybe include more sources? I think it might help, but you are in a good place.