User:WikipedianMarlith/Apology

About two years ago, I made one of the worst decisions of my WikiLife. My RFA was a gigantic failure, and I lacked the maturity to understand that. I would like to apologize for my lack of maturity back then, two years later, I can clearly see my mistakes. To be honest, I am very glad that I was denied adminship, as my behavior would have been totally destructive towards Wikipedia.

My answers towards the questions come off as a complete joke today, my violent opposition to vandalism has changed. I misunderstood nearly every one of the policies regarding Wikipedian interactions with others. I failed to assume good faith, I fed the trolls, I didn't stay cool. I seriously and authentically am sorry for my misinformed opinions on Wikipedia. To think that I behaved like that once totally disgusts me, I acted like a troll towards fellow users, I treated Wikipedia as a source of social-networking, as a place to have  mischievous fun. Needless to say, I totally misconstrued the meaning of Wikipedia. Despite a familiarity with WikiCode, not having the maturity to treat work seriously makes the most knowledgeable of scholars deeply destructive towards the project.

About a year and a half ago, took up admin coaching with Bibliomaniac15 to identify many of my problems, both ideological and Wiki-Wise. In retrospect, I find most of the problems that were identified came from a need to appeal to others: in short, I cared too much about what others thought of me, forgetting about my purpose as an editor in the first place.


 * I think you should ask yourself not how to improve your image, but how to improve the encyclopedia. Likewise, you should not desire adminship. It's like growing up, you always wish you could grow up so you can do things that you couldn't do before, but at the end it turns out that they're a dreary, dreary existence exacerbated by stress and conflict. I truly think that you are a user with much potential (which is why I offered to coach you); you have great zeal and dedication for the encyclopedia, but I believe that you need more experiences to actualize that potential. Occasionally, (to be perfectly honest), I find that you may have some trouble with staying mature. This is a problem that you have largely overcome since your past username, but it's still something to watch for. I believe the best course of action for you is either: to build up an article to GA or even FA status, or to help mediate disputes, say at third opinion. It is only through passing through trials and tribulations that you can gain the trust of the community and the mop.  bibliomaniac 1  5  05:34, 26 January 2008 (UTC)

My misunderstanding can also be traced to my level of knowledge at that time. I failed to understand the importance of civility, arbitration and the role of an administrator. I mistook the mop to be a "medal of honor", and pursued it without regard to those who may be affected by my actions. I have been through many real-life experiences since then, and those experiences have taught me a lot about myself and my interactions with others.

I've spent over a year editing sparsely, and after a long period of inactivity, I wish to make a return to Wikipedia. This time, I want to be a helpful and constructive editor. As a person, I have went through radical changes to my lifestyle and worldview, those changes have greatly impacted my ability to communicate and collaborate with others. Thus, I feel that I am now ready to contribute constructively.

I am deeply sorry about my past as an editor. From the Userpage Contest to my RFA as well as my non-constructive contributions to deletion discussions and RfAs, I want to apologize for everything.

Thank you.

 Marlith  (Talk)   05:05, 2 August 2009 (UTC)