User:Writer444/2022 University of Idaho killings/Editi2000 Peer Review

NOTE FROM COURSE INSTRUCTOR: I appreciate the thorough review here. Not sure how much of the additional data is needed, though I like the idea of putting more about who these victims were in terms of their background. My main concern throughout is the lack of citations and references - these are essential to the integrity of whatever edits are put into the site and ultimately approved.

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing? Writer444


 * Link to draft you're reviewing User:Writer444/2022 University of Idaho killings - Wikipedia
 * Link to the current version of the article: 2022 University of Idaho killings - Wikipedia
 * Link to the current version of the article: 2022 University of Idaho killings - Wikipedia

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

Peer Review of 2022 University of Idaho Killings

Reviewed by Editi 2000

Lead


 * The lead is comprehensive and introduces essential information such as names, dates, ages of victims, and locations.
 * I would also do more digging on when (Exact Time) the murders of the four victims took place. Were these murders within the same time frame or were they scattered over the scale of 15 minutes? Include time stamps of murders in order if applicable.
 * The lead has a clear direction that points us into the main points of the article. It is refined and not overly detailed. If possible, work on creating a brief description highlighting the article's main sections so we intrigued from the jump.

Content


 * Overall added content is relevant and pertains mainly to logistics surrounding the murder.


 * You mentioned how "Moscow, Idaho had no had a murder since 2015." I would add more content to emphasize this critical significance. How is it that all of a sudden there is a gruesome murder? What are some influences that led to Moscow low murder rate? How was the community impacted following the murder? These details will add more weight and more of a scandalous feel.


 * Include more background on the city rural areas. What county of Idaho was the murder in? How does the county murder rate compare to the other Countys as a whole.
 * Insert any leads or conspiracies regarding the killer's real identity and real motive for the murder. Are there any updates as of 2023 regarding where the condition of this case is now.
 * Who is the name of Goncalves' former longtime boyfriend? Is this a suspect?
 * How is it that Dylan - surviving person was passed by the murderer in the same room? Why did the murderer not kill Dylan? This could be an opportunity for more digging to really make this more scandalous and thrilling. Is Dylan a suspect of aiding and abetting?

Tone & Balance


 * Great Job hanging in the neutral point of view and enlisting the facts.
 * I don't sense an overrepresentation or underrepresentation of the victims. However, it would be nice to get their life history or some crucial aspects of their story. This can be in the background tab. Something about these victims' lives has to move us to solve this case or find genuine attachment to the article. Also, it could lead us into discovering past persons in the lives of these victims that were possibly troubled.
 * Wiki Equitable Gap - Non-applicable
 * I would explore finding more information on the events leading up to the murder. You displayed the whereabouts, and time frames as to when the victims arrive home. However, there is a gap in the article concerning what took place between the hours they got home and the time they left their respective events. Was someone following them? Did they have a bad encounter with someone while they were away from home?
 * If everyone was home by 2AM and the killing started around 4:17am, is there addition information as to what was happening in the home during this time?
 * Also are there more details of the murder in real time? This needs overrepresentation. What were the tactics involved in the murder? How many stab wounds? Where were the victims stabbed? What was the order of those murdered? Why were two roommates left off scotch free? In other words, Dylan and Bethany were not killed despite Dylan saw the murder's eyes? If you can dig up this info, you're in much better shape.

References

Right now, the reference tab is empty. Make sure to add your sources and databases so we can review and make sure they are viable sources.

Organization


 * Content is easy to read and follow through. It could be more seamless once you fill in the gaps regarding the victim's story/history, possible suspects, murder motives, and more detailed descriptions of the murder in live action.
 * Use transitions words to knit your paragraphs fluidly.


 * No errors found.

Overall Impressions


 * I enjoy the conciseness and flow of this article.
 * Per my comments above, I believe there is much more information that can be discovered to really shoe tie this article together and keep our interest flowing.
 * I felt the reading flow was a bit fast paced and absence of critical answers and analysis surrounding the murder case at the end of the draft.
 * The bedrock that has been laid here is solid but can scale further up.
 * The Lead is great and pulls the reader into this mystery.
 * Good work & Keep Expanding it out further.