User:Wrpnethyl

Origins of Hot Rod and Moonshine Transporter Exhaust and Muffler Modifications

Part of the whole mystique of hot rodding is figuring out what the rules are then cheating. Two seconds after the first Hot Rod was built they had to figure out how to cover up stuff that was not street legal, then figured out it would be fun to beat the chit out of someone who had no idea what your mods really were. In Eastern Kentucky it was far more important that the revenuers could not spot the beefed up springs or oil drop tanks on your transporter. When the liquid product was unloaded that beefed up suspension made for some of the hard handling garbage truck rumbling stuff we associate with hot rods today. Video of Hot Rod Exhaust Mod Discussions by Hot Rod experts, with an added example of a liar in action.

My GGGG Grandfather, Jerry Jeff Smith invented the exhaust modification techniques refined and handed down as a family secret even today. Generation to generation we have researched and refined the saust hole techniques with great skill to come to the ultimate aftermarket saust refinement I have on Ethyl today. Ethyl Today

Back in the 1840's Jellico Mountain was the fastest single straightline racecourse in the world, maybe even better than ATCO. There was an altitude deficit but the mule power was generated on Ethanol, sort of. One day coming down the mountain Jerry Jeff was pursued by two highwaymen trying to steal his load of white whiskey. Jerry Jeff got the ole mule going too fast down the mountain and kicked at the wooden handled wagon brake. Well he was looking over his shoulder at the highwaymen and his foot glanced off the handle and ole E-Sal was swishing her tail and the toe of the boot sorta rammed home and he ended up with his leg up where the sun don't shine, losing his boot in there during the process. E-Sal the mule got all excited and outrun the highwaymen, the wagon, and reportedly several bullets going down the mountain side. When he got into town with mule debris blowback all over his face Jerry Jeff ducked his face in the water trough and someone came up and fanned him with a towel, already aware of the great advantage of the newly discovered saust mod, he began right then and there perfecting the turbonator, but that is another story.

BTW Jerry Jeff's GGGG Grandson, Billy Bob Obama, invented the rag up the arse method used in popular dog racing venues even today. Jimmy Joe had perfected the application of Louisiana Hot Sauce or white whiskey to the rags to enhance the modification. Billy Bob's cousin Barry, being aware of all this is working on reaming the saust of all American taxpayers in the future.

Jerry Jeff's nephew Jimmy Joe Halfknot was living on Price Mountain in Chester County South Carolina during the war of Northern Aggression. Carrying on the family refreshment industry tradition, Jimmy Joe was running hooch down both sides of the mountains to the Yankees and the Rebs. Some Yankee General decided to tax the whiskey and Jimmy Joe was in defiance. One day the Yankees was chasing Jimmy Joe down the Reb side of the Mountain in South Carolina. Jimmy Joe knew about Jerry Jeff's success with the exhaust porting and polishing over in Tennessee and proceded to apply the mod to EtThel, his trustworthy whiskey transportin mule. The Mule, EtThel, responded in the appropriate manner but the blowback resulted in a fiery explosion as Jimmy Joe was smoking a pipe when the blowback occured, but that is more of a story about how Jimmy Joe invented modern rocketry. Years later, as homegrown weeds began to replace white whiskey for entertainment value, Billy Bob Obama and a Russian cousin Igor Boris Romanovich were eating tacos on a weed run when Igor Boris dropped a lit weed down under the car seat. Well the tacos caused some blowback, I recall this was in 1958, and well Billy Bob had named his Ford Edsel Sputnik, you can figure the rest out.

Another fabulous civil war story centers around cousin Billy Ray Pitts of Shiloh Tennessee. Billy Ray made world famous hooch which he sold to river traffic on the Tennessee River in the middle 19th century. Billy Ray's hooch was soo good and famous they named the landing where you parked your boat while buying whiskey after him. One day in early 1862 Sam Grant and Bill Sherman were sitting in Savannah Tennessee discussing the tradgedy that all the whiskey in Savannah was gone. Sam being the senior guy told Bill to take a boatload of Yankee soldiers down to Eastport Mississippi and see if there was any whiskey there. On the way Bill asked the boat pilot where he might get a drink along this stretch of river. The pilot spit out his terbacky and said shucks Genl, Pittsburgh landing is the place.

The landing was only about halfway to Eastport but Bill decided to stop and investigate. Unbeknownst to Bill, Al Johnson was sitting down in Corinth Mississippi with the same dilemna. Al grabbed Pierre, one of his assistants and told him to march some men up to Pittsburgh landing and get some whiskey. Well they all run into each other up at the landing and fought all around a church named Shiloh and that is how that battle came to be came to be. Bill sherman later set out to find all the whiskey stills in Georgia and it led him on a march from Chattanooga to Atlanta and on down to Savannah Georgia. From Svannah he turned north up through the Carolinas and that is where his men runned into Jimmy Joe on Price Mountain.

--Wrpnethyl (talk) 14:47, 15 April 2009 (UTC)