User:Xizzyxh

Loop hole? Shall we converse on my page or yours? HELLO! LOVE!LOVE!LOVE! I: HAHAHA! RAWR! how are you? HOLY CRAP LOOPHOLE! I bet your mum can't block Wiki... At least she doesn't know about this yet.... Well then don't let her find out! Sneaky sneaky. But I need to get off by 12. Cause I got a lot of stuff to do tomorrow morning before I go into town. Okay ^^ So wasup? ...eBaying. You? THIS IS SO MUCH FUN! Just reading random wiki articles. Lol, okay. So glad I discovered this... Its pretty cool FB's faster though. Yeah....and this requires constant checking. Yup...I've been checking every 5 seconds or so XD Lol, I love you. what can I say? I like to talk to you X3 I love you too! I love talking to you. Yay! RAWRRAWRRAWR! Buster says hi! Pony says hi :D HI PONY!!!!!! I have to get off now. Sleep and all that. I love you. Sweet dreams. I hope you're in mine. I understand. Love you too <3 6/4/12 - What are the chances you still remember this? I just want you to know that I'm so so sorry. About everything. I can't let you go tomorrow. I just can't. I don't want to give up on you. I want to try to fix this. If I let you go without knowning I tried my hardest, then I'll never forgive myself. Ever. I never want to lose you and I never want to hurt you. I'm sorry. I never thought I'd do both. I never meant to hurt you. I had no idea you were hurting as much as you were. I can't tell you enough how sorry I am and how much I want you to take me back. How much I love you. How much I wish you would let me try. How much I need this clean slate. How much I need you in my life. There is so much I need to tell you, but I can't find the way to say it. Just know that I love you so much and that I've never loved anyone more. I still want to be with you. I want to live with you and grow old together and be able to look back on this and be glad we stayed together. I don't think there is anyone that would make me happier and if there is, I don't want to look for them because I still think it's you. I want it to be you. And I wish that was enough. I only want to more things from you and then I'll go away. Gone. Out of your life forever. You'll never have to see me or hear from me ever again. 1) I want you to take care of yourself. 2) I want you to be happy. (That being said, I want you to be happy with me, but I don't want to force you and I can't change your mind.) That's all I ever wanted. You're an amazing person. I don't know how else I can tell you and have you really and truly believe me. I love you so much. --Izzy 6/15/12 - I can't believe I'm here again. I can't go two weeks without talking to you. I can barely go 8 hours. Talking to you was the highlight of my day (seeing you was even better.) Even when I yelled at you that one day. It was nice to know you cared. I just didn't realize you cared as much as you did. I can't tell you how sorry I am. How much I want to be able to fix this. How much I need you in my life. You make me so happy. You have no idea. And for the longest time, I thought I made you happy. I wish you would've told me that you were unhappy. I just...I didn't know. I would've changed for you. I still would. I'm trying to as I type this. I'd do anything for you and you know that. I should've suggested seeing a different movie on Wednesday. MIB3 or even that one alien one that you like so much... You know what we talked about for 14 months? You know what we had in common? How much we loved each other. I looked through my old texts with you on your old phone and a lot of our conversations said "I love you" "I love you too" at least twice. Last I checked, I was your girlfriend, not your best friend. I'm not entirely sure what couples talk about, but I thought loving each other would be enough to have in common. At least...as a couple. I don't know. I'm a firm believer in opposites attract. I miss you so much. Love, Izzy 6/15/12 (cont.) - I was talking to Sara today...she mentioned that you felt like I didn't appreciate you. She mentioned, specifcially, the day you skipped out on work because I was sick and then I apparently said "fuck you" the next day...now, I don't remember that at ALL, and maybe I was too sick and woozy to really tell you, but I really did appreciate you staying with me. I really did. You have no idea. I only recall saying "I hate you" twice: when you got kicked out of AcaDeca and when you were pissy at me for being late. Sara told me that I should've used "I'm disappointed in you" instead of "I hate you" with the AcaDeca thing. Which is true, since I never hated you...just hated what you did. And the second time...I was just mad that you were mad. I just...I took any and all of my anger out on you, which you didn't deserve. There are other times, too, where I've blown up at you. I didn't realize it would affect you like it did. But I guess you don't over analyze everything like I do and wouldn't trace my anger back to the actual cause, and just thought I was mad at YOU specifically (which I wasn't.) Sara used the term "emotional punching bag" which makes me sound like a real bitch. Which, despite my full acceptance of it, I hate. I think I figured out why I would always take my emotions out on you: I trusted you. I still do. When I'm angry/sad, I'm vaunerable, so I think my anger would be how I expressed that I was confortable around you. Yikes. Some way of telling you I trusted you. And I never meant to be as controlling as I did. Especially in the last week. I don't recall, though, TELLING you to stop hanging out with Haley. I do remember ASKING that you did. But I did know then when I asked I had no real right, as I wasn't your girlfriend. I just thought it wouldn't hurt to ask. I'm trying so hard to make this work. I just...hell, I got a crash course in gun education from Sara & a bit from Gram (haven't heard from Ivan yet) and the funny thing? It's FASCINATING. Not the shooting part, but like...the technically stuff behind guns and whatnot. It's genuinely interesting. I want to see if the History Channel or National Geographic has some kind of documentary about guns because I'd like to see it. Am I doing this for you? Yes. All for you? No. I like to learn. On that note, I'm planning on going shooting with Sara & Ricky soon. It's on my bucket list to shoot a gun...why I wouldn't go shooting with you is just...honestly? For one, guns scare the living hell out of me. (Thus my dislike for any and all Halo-esque games.) And two, everything is scary when you don't know about them. I didn't really know anything about guns (...I guess I could've asked...I should've...and I'm sorry...) and since I know a bit more, I feel better. Maybe, if this all goes well, we can go together? Like...shooting? And whatnot? Teach me? Now as to why I called as often as I did...like I said, talking to you was the highlight of my day. It still is. Even when we talked for about 10 seconds today when I told you I'd gotten a job & my licence, it made me so happy to hear your voice. I can't tell you enough how much I'm trying to change. Trying to find common ground. MAKING common ground. Honestly? On your birthday, I'd felt bad for falling asleep during Star Wars and missing the end. And I found myself intrigued and wanting to see the other movies. (I still haven't finished Boondock Saints. I keep getting to the part where the guy's finger is shot off and is found by the gay detective before I have to leave...) I just...this is me trying. I wish you'd insisted more, you know? Just whenever I offered to watch one of my movies, you'd just go with it and I figured you didn't mind... So why am I typing this instead of saying it? Because I'm afraid I'll lose it. I can't be reasonable when I try to talk to you in person because...god...I don't know. Seeing you, period, be it happy or sad, unhinges me. I kind of lose it (in good and bad ways.) Before, I would just be so happy to be around you that I couldn't really control myself and like when I last saw you, I couldn't get a sensible explanation out because you have such an effect on me. You have no idea the effect you have on me....it's the most logical explanation I can think of. Am I blaming this one you? No. It's just the only answer I have. I also think it's unfair that you never gave me a real chance to try to make this work. It was only a week. I still think this can work. I'm giving you space as much as I can. I'm still thinking about you all the time. I was re-reading my old texts from your old phone and in one from a while ago, you told me you were so happy with me. And I started to cry. Once I searched "I love you" in our FB message history and my window crashed. I'm crying as I type. I'm saying this rather late, but I want you to know I don't want to force you. I never meant to force you into anything. I'm just...trying. I don't know how else to describe it. I want you to want to be with me again. I want to be able to just...I guess to back to the way things were. I know that's not going to be entirely possible, but I want to get to the point where you can tell me that you're happy being my boyfriend...but I don't know. I keep hoping. Maybe. Just maybe. I'm so sorry for making you hate this relationship. I'm sorry I made you think badly of me. You have no idea, how much you mean to me. I think you got a rough idea yesterday, but you really have no idea. I just...let me try. Please. Let me really try. I still have a few gun questions, but I'm pretty sure Gram's fed up by now...ha. I guess I'm still too much of a gun-noob to decipher the wiki pages. Remember when I was standing in your doorway and I asked you to think about me sometimes? And let them be good thoughts? And you kind of smiled and cupped my face like you used to? That just...oh god...that gave me hope. It just felt like deep down, you wanted this to work. It's just what it felt like. I just...if you do just...end this, I don't want you to think it was a waste, okay? I want you to think that this was worth it. It was worth a year of your time. That you were really happy with me. I just...I was so happy with you. The happiest I've ever been. I love you so much, Izzy 6/16/12 忘了有多久 wang le you duo jiu I've forgotten how long it has been

再沒聽到你 zai mei ting dao ni Since the last time I heard you

對我說你最愛的故事 dui wo shuo ni zui ai de gu shi Tell me your favorite story 我想了很久 wo xiang le hen jiu I have thought for a long time

我開始慌了 wo kai shi huang le I start to panic

是不是我又做錯了什麼 shi bu shi wo you zuo cuo le shen me Wondering if I have done something wrong again 你哭著對我說 ni ku zhe dui wo shuo You told me as you cried

童話裡都是騙人的 tong hua li dou shi pian ren de That everything in fairy tales are all lies

我不可能是你的王子 wo bu ke neng shi ni de wang zi I couldn't possibly be your prince.

也許你不會懂 ye xu ni bu hui dong But perhaps you don't understand either

從你說愛我以后 cong ni shuo ai wo yi hou Ever since you told me you loved me

我的天空星星都亮了 wo de tian kong xing xing dou liang le All the stars in my sky have brightened.

我願變成童話裡 wo yuan bian cheng tong hua li I'm willing to become the one in the fairy tale 你愛的那個天使 ni ai de ne ge tian shi The angel that you love

張開雙手 zhang kai shuang shou I extend this pair of hands

變成翅膀守護你 bian cheng chi bang shou hu ni and turn them into wings to protect you 你要相信 ni yao xiang xin You must believe

相信我們會像童話故事裡 xiang xin wo men hui xiang tong hua gu shi li Believe we will be like we are in a fairy tale

幸福和快樂是結局 xing fu he kuai le shi jie ju Where blessings and happiness is the ending

我要變成童話裡 wo yao bian cheng tong hua li I will to become the one in the fairy tale

你愛的那個天使 ni ai de ne ge tian shi The angel that you love

張開雙手 zhang kai shuang shou I extend this pair of hands

變成翅膀守護你 bian cheng chi bang shou hu ni and turn them into wings to protect you 你要相信 ni yao xiang xin You must believe

相信我們會像童話故事裡 xiang xin wo men hui xiang tong hua gu shi li Believe we will be like we are in a fairy tale

幸福和快樂是結局 xing fu he kuai le shi jie ju Where blessings and happiness is the ending

我会變成童話裡 wo hui bian cheng tong hua li I will to become the one in the fairy tale

你愛的那個天使 ni ai de ne ge tian shi The angel that you love

張開雙手 zhang kai shuang shou I extend this pair of hands

變成翅膀守護你 bian cheng chi bang shou hu ni and turn them into wings to protect you 你要相信 ni yao xiang xin You must believe

相信我們會像童話故事裡 xiang xin wo men hui xiang tong hua gu shi li Believe we will be like we are in a fairy tale

幸福和快樂是結局 xing fu he kuai le shi jie ju Where blessings and happiness is the ending

一起寫我們的結局 yi qi xie wo men de jie ju Together we can write our own ending 6/17/12 - I went most of today without thinking about you. I feel a bit accomplished. I only thought of you when I realized it was after 5ish at work and I was half-hoping you'd get a sudden craving for ice cream...and again when mom & I were discussing this week's who-got-the-car-when and I mentioned I'd called dibs on Tuesday (and she'd okayed it yesterday.) But that doesn't mean I don't miss you. The letter I'm going to give you Tuesday will contain a lot of what's on this page because I typed it here and then transferred it to a word document. I was originally going to re-send you the link, but Sara mentioned that giving you a letter would be more personal and would make it seem like I was giving more effort--which could only benefit me. I just want you to know how much I loved talking to you yesterday. I managed not to cry...except when you started telling me about the shirt you were wearing. I lost it there... I love you, Izzy 6/20/12 - Thanks for letting me come over yesterday and for hearing me out. I was so happy when you said "I love you too" when I was done. And then snuggles. I really enjoyed that. And everything else. (Except my necklace breaking--which I'll fix--and bleeding on your blanket. I'm really sorry about that.) And I'm really sorry about all of this. I just want you to be happy as my boyfriend again. I can give you as much time as you want before deciding. But I also love to spend time with you, so know whenever you want, I'll try to hang out with you. I'd really love to spend next Wednesday with you, though, since I have no class and no work AT ALL and it would be perfect. Next Tuesday works as well, except I have class and you said you'd be...camping? Oh well. Have fun. I just really want to see you and I would love to be your girlfriend agian. More than anything. But I don't want to force you and I understand you want to be with me but you don't want a relationship...yet? I don't know. I'm just hoping. I also realize how foolish this since you'll never see it unless I send it to you...which won't happen. For a while, anyway. If I do, I did type the letter I gave to you on here first. Just FYI. I love you so much. I thought of you all day and I miss you like crazy. I just only hope you feel the same. Love you, Izzy 6/21/12 - Why did you keep lying to me? Why did you give me so much hope that everything would be okay? Why can't you "do this" anymore? Why? Do you think of me as a chore? Don't you want to try to make this work? I do. I love you so much. What did I do you make you stop loving me? Can't we at least talk in person? I'll still come over Wednesday. I want to talk. And I guess I should give your stuff back...please. Please. Just let me. You don't understand how much I need to talk to you. What happened? What happened between Tuesday and now? Did I go too far in my texts? I'll back off. Give you space. I won't talk to you until Wednesday if that's what you want. I promise. Please. --Izzy 6/21/12 (cont). - Oh god I just sent this to you. What have I done? Just don't avoid me okay? Let me talk to you. Please. 6/21/12 (cont. 2) - It might be too much to ask, but I was wondering if you would just keep Wednesday open for me? Please? I just...I would just really appreciate it. Just, I guess, as a last thing. My last request from you. 6/22/12 - I love you so much. I guess I'll have to accept the fact that you want nothing to do with me. It's killing me to do this. But if you really love someone, let them go, right? I just hope maybe you'll come back. 6/23/12 - I've accepted that you're not coming back. There's nothing else I can say or do that won't make you mad at me or that'll change your mind. I'm going to have to let you go. You don't want me to try anymore. So what's the point? I guess we "had our run." I have to accept it. I mean, you WANT me to be over you--to be done with this. What else can I do? If me leaving your life would make you happy, then I'll do it. I'll still do anything for you. I don't want to, of course. I feel like I'm giving up on you. But I guess you've already given up on me. I still don't think you gave me enough time to try to make this work. Like you said, it would work for a day and a half or so, but then you'd turn on me. I don't want to blame you, but I really just don't think you gave me enough time. Neither of us know for sure if this could really work. I just...I was--I am--really hoping it still can. You can always talk to me if you ever decide you want to. I'll be here. 6/23/12 (cont.) - I keep running possible ways that Wednesday can end in my head. Some of them end happy: you decide that yes, you do want me to be with you, and I cry and you hold me and take me back. Others end sad: I give you your stuff and ask you to hold me while I cry. You do, but it's relectant; a chore. And I'm 100% aware that you don't want anything do to with me. So I cry even more. Eventually, I buck up and say my goodbyes before I leave and only turn back when I'm sure you've gone. Sometimes when I look back, you're looking at me. Other times you're texting and making plans to hang out with other people. Then you go to hang out with them without a second glance at me. Sometimes I come up in your conversations and all you can say are mean things about me and how much you hate me and wished you didn't spend over a year with me. It's sad. It makes me cry. Even 2 months ago, everything was so perfect. It's my fault. I just wish you knew how much I'm hurting. 6/24/12 - I should really stop writing on this. You don't want me to. I'm pushing you away. I was talking to people and they said that you want more "variety" and you don't want to be "tied down" by me. I mean, you could stil be with me and flirt with other girls (as long as you don't mean it since I apparently flirt without knowing it.) But that's not what you want. You want to be hooking up and being able to pick up lots of different girls. You'll find someone. No problem. Haley or someone else like her. Because it's so easy for you. So easy. I just didn't realize how easy it would be for you to leave me. 6/24/12 (cont.) - I'm so sorry. 6/25/12 - Take care of youself, okay? 6/26/12 - Come back to me, okay? You don't have to be my boyfriend ever again if you don't want to. Just don't leave my life completely, okay? You can talk to me whenevr you want about whatever you want. Just...keep in touch...even if it takes you a while to want to contact me again...please? 6/27/12 - I guess this is goodbye. I'm so sorry. Don't forget about me, okay? I just...like I said, I hope you think of me sometimes. And I hope they are good thoughts. I love you. 6/27/12 (cont.) - I've heard it said That people come into our lives for a reason Bringing something we must learn And we are led To those who help us most to grow If we let them And we help them in return Well, I don't know if I believe that's true But I know I'm who I am today Because I knew you: Like a comet pulled from orbit As it passes a sun Like a stream that meets a boulder Halfway through the wood Who can say if I've been changed for the better? But because I knew you I have been changed for good It well may be That we will never meet again In this lifetime So let me say before we part So much of me Is made of what I learned from you You'll be with me Like a handprint on my heart And now whatever way our stories end I know you have re-written mine By being my friend: Like a ship blown from its mooring By a wind off the sea Like a seed dropped by a skybird In a distant wood Who can say if I've been changed for the better? But because I knew you Because I knew you I have been changed for good And just to clear the air I ask forgiveness For the things I've done you blame me for But then, I guess we know There's blame to share And none of it seems to matter anymore Like a comet pulled from orbit as it Passes a sun, Like a seed dropped by a Bird in a distant wood Who can say if I've been changed for the better? I do believe I have been changed for the better? And because I knew you Because I knew you Because I knew you I have been changed for good. --Wicked, "For Good" 6/29/12 - Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see That I want and I'm needing everything that we should be I'll bet she's beautiful, that girl he talks about And she's got everything that I have to live without

Drew talks to me, I laugh 'cause it's so damn funny And I can't even see anyone when he's with me He says he's so in love, he's finally got it right, I wonder if he knows he's all I think about at night

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do Drew walks by me, can he tell that I can't breathe? And there he goes, so perfectly, The kind of flawless I wish I could be She better hold him tight, give him all her love Look in those beautiful eyes and know she's lucky 'cause He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do So I drive home alone, as I turn out the light I'll put his picture down and maybe Get some sleep tonight He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do He's the time taken up, but there's never enough And he's all that I need to fall into.

Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see.

When I see your smile Tears roll down my face I can't replace And now that I'm strong I have figured out How this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul And I know I'll find deep inside me I can be the one I will never let you fall I'll stand up with you forever I'll be there for you through it all Even if saving you sends me to heaven It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. Seasons are changing And waves are crashing And stars are falling all for us Days grow longer and nights grow shorter I can show you I'll be the one I will never let you fall I'll stand up with you forever I'll be there for you through it all Even if saving you sends me to heaven Cuz you're my, you're my, my, my true love, my whole heart Please don't throw that away Cuz I'm here for you Please don't walk away and Please tell me you'll stay woah, stay woah Use me as you will Pull my strings just for a thrill And I know I'll be okay Though my skies are turning gray I will never let you fall I'll stand up with you forever I'll be there for you through it all Even if saving you sends me to heaven --The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, "Your Guardian Angel"