User:YH4DU/Iraq War/Emjwatson Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing? User YH4DU

User YH4DU


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:YH4DU/Iraq_War?preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Iraq War
 * Iraq War

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

Your work reads as an important update to the Iraq War page. The addition you made to the Lead is generally concise, with a few issues of clarity; e.g. The phrase "buried in the enormous people suffering" is a little hard to interpret. Maybe it could be changed to "enormous suffering" instead of "enormous people", and maybe "human" is a better substitute for "people" in this case? Also, because you go on to detail how environmental destruction has human consequences in your Radiation section, I wonder if connecting environmental damage and human suffering, rather than putting them at odds with each other, is a more fitting rhetorical approach. For example, maybe you could replace that sentence with something about how people neglect to consider the environmental consequences of war, and the resulting harm on populations that unfolds over time (related to our course topic of "slow violence"). All of your sources are credible and peer-reviewed (although source 2 and 3 are the same, I think accidentally cited twice). If you wanted to include more information that stems directly from Iraqi researchers, there is this article on birth defects that you might find relevant. There were a few grammar and spelling issues throughout, mostly to do with mixing up verb tenses or conjugations (e.g. in Radioactive Contamination, "especially crop seeds, to not sprout", or "stopped seeds from sprouting" might be good adjustments). Overall, I felt hopeful reading your research. I think this information may really broaden the perspective of casual users of Wikipedia.