User:Yarelsu/Brandt's vole/Bcradd1 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Yarelsu


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Yarelsu/Brandt's_vole?preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Brandt's vole

Evaluate the drafted changes

 * the proposed edit is very clearly written and concise, but since the original is article is fairly short, you nay want to add extra information or elaborate
 * suggestions for editing
 * remove the in text citations in parentheses, these are not necessary
 * remove "or serious hunger"
 * link "hyperphagia" to its wikipedia page instead of explain it on this page
 * would probably also be good to link "Nonshivering thermogenesis", "serum leptin", and "fat mobilization" to their corresponding pages if they exist
 * change "in winter months" to "in winter" for better flow
 * you already stated "in colder months"
 * proposed changes to the first two sentences for better flow
 * change "Due to preferring to live in hot environments" to "Because Brandt's voles tend to live in hot environments"
 * change " are placed in" to "experience"
 * the second sentence could be changed to something like "Brandt’s voles undergo nonshivering thermogenesis, decreased serum leptin levels, fat mobilization, and hyperphagia to adapt to the decrease in temperature."
 * could help with flow