User:Yasmin Adolfo/User:XavierHen12/Yuhanna al-Armani/Yasmin Adolfo Peer Review

General info
XavierHen12
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:XavierHen12/Yuhanna_al-Armani?veaction=edit&preload=Template:Dashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Yuhanna al-Armani

Review by Yasmin A.
Hello! I found the information written in your article was most interesting. There are some parts though that I feel are not neutral and could be more descriptive.

Lead

 * The lead section was concise and highlighted the main focus, but I do feel there could be additional information added to paint a more vivid picture of your artist.
 * There’s an extensive biography and artwork section, and it should be reflected briefly in your lead description.

Content

 * The content you added was well researched, and thorough in its descriptions of the artist’s work and life.


 * The beginning line under the Biography section is a bit awkward to read, but I do see you mentioned the artist’s original name. It’s a suggestion, but maybe it could be read as “Originally born Ohem Karapetian in 1776, he resided with his Armenian family in Jerusalem.”


 * I would also reword this underlined section:

“He worked in the Egyptian Coptic style of Icon painting, which at that point was a severely endangered art which may have been due to periods of hostile relationships with and persecution by the Muslim majority which also affected other aspects of Coptic culture such as the Coptic language"

While this might be true based on your source, it doesn’t sound neutral. The sentence after takes a similar tone, so I would suggest presenting this information in a subsection on the Coptic influence on the artist’s life, or add this information under Career.


 * Under the career section, I would delete the line suggesting a debate between the two artists. I would mention that scholars are uncertain or still speculating the relationship between the two. (this is a small nit-pick, I respect anyway you change this)
 * I appreciate how you described the elements of each artwork. I would suggest adding photos next to each in order to help the viewer understand. (I know adding images are a bit difficult, so this is optional, really)

Tone and Balance

 * I believe you have a solid tone overall, and I would only recommend re-reading the descriptions to make sure that they are organized.

Sources and References + Organization

 * From what I could access, the majority of your sources contained books/textbooks. Good work!
 * I couldn’t access all of them, but I would just suggest being careful and double checking to see if the information you presented are not directly copied.
 * I like how you organized your draft. I would suggest making a Coptic Subheading under the artist’s career. (or add the coptic description to career section, vice versa)