User:Yaydnew/Food desert/Natalieychu Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

user: Yaydnew


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * food deserts sandbox


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)

Evaluate the drafted changes
Farmers' markets and community garden section:


 * defining a 'food desert' in the first line in just one phrase or sentence could be helpful
 * the statement: "Each year, SNAP program participants spend around $70 billion in benefits; as of 2015, more than $19.4 billion were redeemed at farmers' markets" may be stronger with a citation
 * it may also be beneficial to briefly mention in one phrase or sentence which communities predominantly face food insecurity ie. low-income, BIPOC, historically-divested neighborhoods
 * hyperlinks to define farmers market, EBT, and community gardens are really nice!
 * very concise and organized flow of writing—I think you approached the 'neutral tone' very well! Each point is meaningful and adds to the discussion

Youth education section:


 * the statement: "...which causes many people and especially children to not get enough nutrients their bodies require" in the 1st sentence could be strong with a citation on nutrition statistics
 * the statement: "Because there is a dominant concern of where the next meal will come from, people do not always care what they are putting in their bodies as long as it will keep them alive" sounds a little more essay-ish, maybe revise to be more along the lines of "frequently, impacted communities in food deserts are less concerned about nutrition and more so sustenance"
 * this phrase sounds repetitive and can be reduced to a more concise sentence " When there are organizations that target the lack of access to food, there are multiple organizations that implement education within their work"
 * change "worked" to "working" in line 6 of this section
 * overall, really amazing content—really enjoyed your references to local non-profits across the nation and the very relevant work that they are currently doing. Those references definitely diversify the article and conversation on food insecurity!