User:Yiwang13/Data Diplomacy/Lokio2021 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Yiwang13


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Yiwang13/Data_Diplomacy?preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)

Evaluate the drafted changes

 * Missing a lead section. This section acts as a general overview/summary of the article and includes all the information in your article.

Data Diplomacy:Definition


 * "Firstly, data diplomacy uses data as a further means and tool and uses Internet technology for the purposes of national diplomacy". This sentence has too many "ands", maybe play around with clauses to improve clarity. Missing embedded citation.
 * "In this respect, data diplomacy does not depart from the nature of traditional diplomacy.". Missing embedded citation.
 * "From this perspective, data diplomacy challenges the traditional model of diplomacy and fits better with the concept of public diplomacy.". "Fits better" is not very neutral. This could be restated in a more neutral tone, to comply with Wikipedia rules. Missing embedded citation.
 * "In this model, the main force of diplomacy does not come from the state, and diplomacy is not limited to actions between governments but occurs more among the public.". Missing embedded citation.
 * "In recent years, as the potential value and capabilities of data have been realized by more governments, the influence and application of digital diplomacy have expanded gradually and become a new kind of soft diplomatic power." Missing embedded citation.

Data Diplomacy: Classification and Application Areas


 * General comment for entire section --> Citations should be embedded

Data Diplomacy: Classification and Application Areas: Data In Diplomacy


 * "Such type of diplomacy does not restrict to diplomats but also occurs between institutions and the public." Grammar and clarity. Suggested rewrite: "Such type of diplomacy is not restricted to diplomats and extends to institutions and the public."
 * No embedded citations. Make sure you add citations for all information that is not yours, even if it is paraphrasing.

Data Diplomacy: Classification and Application Areas: Diplomacy for Data


 * "Diplomacy for Data is an essential subcategory in data diplomacy". Grammar and clarity. Suggested rewrite: "Diplomacy for data is an essential subcategory of data diplomacy."
 * "Diplomats interact to advance international data sharing, data use, data interpretation, etc. Diplomacy for Data encompasses all stages of data - from generation to sharing, use, and finally, archiving or destruction." Could be condensed into one sentence if you play around with clauses to improve connection.
 * No embedded citations. Make sure you add citations for all information that is not yours, even if it is paraphrasing.

Data Diplomacy: Classification and Application Areas: Data for Diplomacy


 * This part is very brief, you could try to explain it a bit more to improve understanding.
 * "Data for Diplomacy means the creation of platforms by data experts around the world, where the role of diplomats is primarily to facilitate the creation of such relationships and to leverage the value of data as soft power." How do they facilitate the creation and leveraging of value?
 * No embedded citations. Make sure you add citations for all information that is not yours, even if it is paraphrasing.

"It is worth noting that the three subcategories of data diplomacy are inevitably overlapping."


 * This sentence could be added to the beginning of the section so readers have context. I.e understanding that they do overlap so they can make logical connections as they read. Could also be included in the lead when you rewrite it.
 * No embedded citations. Make sure you add citations for all information that is not yours, even if it is paraphrasing.

Data Diplomacy: Potential Areas: Public Diplomacy


 * Section Title: "Potential Areas" - of what? maybe include a more specific title to provide more context
 * "Social media, as represented by Twitter, has made diplomacy less limited to diplomats, and the data generated by social media has provided significant assistance to public diplomacy." This sentence is a bit unclear. I am not sure what message you are trying to communicate, maybe rewrite to improve clarity.
 * "Analyzing social media data and sentiment gives foreign ministries a platform to communicate with the global public and help analyze public opinion trends and their influence." What are the benefits / affordances of this?
 * No embedded citations. Make sure you add citations for all information that is not yours, even if it is paraphrasing.

Data Diplomacy: Potential Areas: Information Collection and Sharing


 * "In addition to information from home countries, data diplomacy helps to obtain and analyze information from other countries for cooperation between countries or the public." What do you mean by "home countries"? What information are you referencing here? Once you redefine "information", reflect changes in the rest of the paragraph.
 * No embedded citations. Make sure you add citations for all information that is not yours, even if it is paraphrasing.

Data Diplomacy: Risk and Limitations: Privacy and Security


 * "One of the most significant risks to data diplomacy is data security." This could be restated in a more neutral tone, to comply with Wikipedia rules.
 * "Part of the data will involve the privacy of citizens and countries, such as personal property, biological information, national privacy, and so on". Grammar and clarity. Suggested rewrite: Data contains [or concerns], issues of citizen and state privacy, such as personal property, biological information, national privacy, and so on."
 * "Moreover, data can be exposed to different levels of security risks in the process of sharing between countries due to the different technologies they possess." Could include an example of technological differences in data sharing and how it affects the data / consequences.
 * No embedded citations. Make sure you add citations for all information that is not yours, even if it is paraphrasing.

Data Diplomacy: Risk and Limitations: Data Accuracy


 * "Common strategies include improving data transparency, pre-screening before sharing, checking that data sources are credible, and so on." Suggested rewording: "verifying [or testing] that data sources are credible"
 * No embedded citations. Make sure you add citations for all information that is not yours, even if it is paraphrasing.

Data Diplomacy: Risk and Limitations: Human Rights Protection and Ethical Standards


 * "Because the public is the primary contributor to data, it is critical to have an ethical and human rights protection standard." Unclear, play around with grammar to improve clarity.
 * "However, confidentiality and ethical standards are complex issues, and absolute confidentiality is impossible to achieve." Why is it impossible to achieve absolute confidentiality? Could provide an example to back up this point.
 * "This may create tensions between various groups." What tensions? Between what groups? Further explain or provide an example to contextualize this point.
 * No embedded citations. Make sure you add citations for all information that is not yours, even if it is paraphrasing.

General Comments:


 * You need to include embedded citations for ALL information that is not your own. Even if you are only using part of the source or you are paraphrasing certain information.
 * Play around with clauses to condense sentences and improve clarity of writing.
 * Remember to have a neutral tone when writing.
 * Contextualize with examples.
 * Specificity is needed with general claims/words like "information", "home countries" etc.