User:Yiwen122/Luxun native place/Amy YDY Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Yiwen122


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Yiwen122/Luxun_native_place?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Luxun native place

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

Hi, Yiwen, overall you contributed much more content of the article (you made a lead and added four sections) since the current version doesn't have any contribution, which is a good job. But for the below aspects I have some opinions and hope my suggestions help your editing:

Firstly, your lead reflects most of new content you added but some of them can be generalized more concisely. In your lead, I think the description of location is overly detailed. Also since you included a list of places in your second paragraoh, I would recommend you to add some of them as major sections and discuss more on them.

Secondly, I think the sections of "ticket" and "open time" are kindly deviated from the topic as encyclopedic content. Maybe you can combine them as one supplementary information section at the end of your article. My suggestion is focus on the "Scenic area" section, add more detailed description about it. You can also expand sections about the list of places you included in your lead.

Finally, your sources are reliable which is good. But it will be better if you can find more types of sources such as any journals or books in any language.

Overall, you made a great effort on this draft!