User:Yiyi Gu/Barbara Hammer/NAS26 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

YiYi Gu being peer reviewed by NAS26.


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Yiyi%20Gu/Barbara_Hammer?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Barbara Hammer

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

Lead feedback:

The lead is clear and concise. It opens up what the editor is going to discuss in the subtitles below (the years of the filmmaker's career).

Content feedback:

The content added is up to date and relevant to the topic of discussing Hammer's career/film work. The content deals with equity gaps of representing underrepresented communities--Hammer is an openly lesbian filmmaker and made films that dealt with lesbian and feminist topics (ie. the female body, sexual representations).

Tone and Balance Feedback:

The tone is neutral throughout the writing. Nothing seems heavily biased or persuasive.

My only suggestion to fix is the the first paragraph under the 1980s-mid 1990s: mid career and deepened focus subtitle. The editor is describing the reason for Hammer's change of work in film as an analysis or conclusion they came up with. To fix this you can include a direct quote from a source or a direct quote from Hammer to eliminate some of the editor's "voice" or opinion.

Sources and References feedback:

-The "seeing double(s): performance and self representation in the films of Maya Deren, Barbara Hammer and Yvonne Rainer" reading link does not direct the viewer to the reading (maybe try seeing how this can be fixed)

- The "culture, space and power: blurred lines" reading link does not direct the viewer to the reading (maybe try seeing how this can be fixed)

-All content is backed by reputable sources. The sources are thorough and reflect the topic of the Hammer's career work. The sources are current--some could be more up-to date.

-The sources are diverse and include people of color writers and women writers.

-The editor does a good job of paraphrasing the cited sources.

Organization feedback:

The organization is great. The content is clear and easy to read. There are no spelling errors. Content is broken down into years of the filmmaker's work which makes things very organized.

Overall Impressions:

The added content improves the career section of the article in an organized and easy to read way.

Respond to Peer Review
Thank you for your wonderful peer review! I will go back and check the links for "Seeing double(s): performance and self representation in the films of Maya Deren, Barbara Hammer and Yvonne Rainer" and "Culture, space and power: blurred lines." I will also consider to revise the first paragraph under the 1980s-mid 1990s: mid career and deepened focus subtitle.