User:Yk0302/User:Kosenrufu2030/sandbox/Tofu98 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Kosenrufu2030


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Kosenrufu2030/sandbox


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * NA

Evaluate the drafted changes
I really enjoyed the structure of your article, the chronological approach makes shows the progression of Hawkin's career very logical. A formatting thing that might improve your article would be to have the decades of his career under a larger title text heading titled 'career', then have 'early life' be a separate title heading.

Under teaching it might be a good idea to include any notable alumni of his teachings (if applicable), as well as to include performers Hawkins is associated with.

The tone of the article is very articulate, neutral, and to the point. Every word feels like it has meaning, and the word count is impressive to boot. There are plenty of well documented citations as well which add a lot to the article. For a future edit it would be nice to have blue links to significant relevant articles (I think Dr. Wright said this wasn't required for this draft).

Overall this is a significant contribution that is well written, my only suggestion would be to think about the way the information is broken up and what effect that has on the article. Maybe instead of going by decade, go by specific year spans? It wouldn't change the content but might be more in line with other wikipedia article standards. ex. 19xx-19xx for a specific career run with whichever opera. Also the previously mentioned title headings might make the article look nicer. Take it or leave it, it's a well written article so it'd difficult to think of things to improve it.

Anyways, great work I'm excited to see future edits!