User:Yk0302/User:Tofu98/Spanky Alford/Doublebassplayerv Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

(Tofu98)


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Tofu98/Spanky Alford

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Overall I think this article is a great improvement to the original and highly informative. Most of the things I think could be improved are actually from the current article. I like your lead section but I think "Alford was born in Philadelphia" seems a bit too short and I think you could possibly combine it with another sentence in your lead somewhere to help with the flow of your article. In the third paragraph of your Article Body section you only used the pronoun "he" instead of addressing Alford by name so I think adding that in will make more sense grammatically. I also noticed in the third paragraph of your Article Body "Later in life..." there is a sentence mentioning Chalmers' teaching. I think this sentence could be expanded upon and rewritten along the lines of "In addition to performing, Alford was also a teacher and is credited with teaching...". Lastly I think the Article Body section of your article could be renamed to "Career" or something similar. )