User:Zac.israel/Jovita González/Nsnoel Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Zac Israel


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Zac.israel/Jovita González


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Jovita González

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

Lead:

Your lead gives a good description of who Jovita Gonzalez was but I think you can strengthen it in a few ways. By including more sources within the lead, your reader will trust what you're saying more and it will make your writing stronger. Additionally, I think you can map out what your article will cover more clearly to make the lead stronger as well. I'm not 100% positive on this one but I believe you should try and avoid using quotes as much as possible so maybe try to put the quotes you use into your own words instead of quotes. Overall though, I think your lead is informative and descriptive.

Content:

I think your content is very important to the article as a whole and I think all of it belongs. I would maybe add something more creative or different than what the article already has though- like a new section or a new fact you've found in research. It's hard to edit an existing article (I'm doing it too) but one thing I've found that makes it easier is trying to find something new to add instead of trying to restate what the article already has. In my article, I'm adding sections on each of my author's books- something you could possibly do as well to add something new. Also I'm repeating this but try not to quote and instead put it in your own words.

Tone and balance:

Your work upholds a neutral tone and it seems objective to me. One way to make it more clearly factual would be to add more sources or at least cite more. Also, you could try and avoid passive voice and look for stronger diction to make the writing sound more formal but I'm not sure how necessary that is. Tone and balance seem pretty good to me.

Sources and references:

The two sources you have are reliable and trustworthy- very good choices. I would add maybe two or three more sources that you can cite in what you have written already. Just by finding more credible sources that say the same thing, you're elevating your writing by a huge scale and I'm sure it won't be too hard to find. Biggest thing here is just finding more sources- what you have with sources looks good and you cite them well throughout what you have written.

Organization:

Your work so far is well organized and I really like your title for the background section because I think it's better than what the original article has. Everything you have done is in the right section and is easily identifiable. I think as you add more, organization will become harder but you have a good start (mine is not organized at all yet).

Images and Media: N/A

Overall impressions:

I think overall, your writing is informative and interesting and you're on a great path. You need to add more credible sources and cite them more often throughout, also remember to paraphrase and not quote. I think if you continue to follow the path you're on organization wise you'll be set. Biggest thing is just sources and quoting! Good work.