User:Zatayl/Gender policing/Kenyamulwa Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Zatayl


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * Gender policing


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Gender policing

Evaluate the drafted changes
This article has a good lead section that accurately summarizes the overarching themes and subtopics throughout the rest of the article. The article is formatted very well with appropriate headings and subheadings. Although the content within the article is both broad and thorough, it may be too broad. For example, the "Psychoanalysis" section is informative, but does little to add to the article's purpose. Moreover, the "Socialization" section helps support the article's purpose, but does not necessarily need all of the additional subsections. Socialization as it is related to gender policing could be condensed//summarized. The article also contains several syntax and grammatical errors. Along with missing punctuation, there are instances where the words used either make the sentence confusing, or misrepresent the statement being made. All assertions are properly referenced and cited, however, there is an overuse of direct quotations. Many of the direct quotes could be re-worded and summarized. Additionally, there are several citations with references to secondary sources. For instance, citation 34 presents a statistical summary from an independent survey about perceptions of gender, which was discussed in an NPR article. The citation references the NPR article rather than the publication of the survey itself. Revisions should be made in order to establish a more neutral tone. There are a lot of references to an individual theories that seem to reduce the desired neutral tone. In sum, the article has a lot of good quality information, but needs content adjustments as well as revisions to some of the references.