User:Zbrooks1

About
Zachary Brookshier OG (ZBOG) is a literal love machine, fashioned after the popular "Sherminator" prototype. He was reprogrammed to use the Skinhead operating system. He is best known for creating the Rebel Alliance, and credited with the eventual collapse of the galactic empire. His name in Latin loosely translates as "beats ass". He is known for his copious alcohol consumption, which allows him to beat more ass.

Creation
In 1986 two meteors, one Adamantium, one a large chunk of the planet Krypton, collided in space. This collision fused the two together into one greater comet. This comet crashed in the Area-51 of Earth. Scientists used this rare metal to build a skeleton which was wrapped in human tissue. The movie "The Terminator" was based around these happenings. The flesh was from a physicist who was exposed to a gamma bomb test. Scientists rolled 4d6 die and dropped the lowest to determine this being's statistics. They ended up with six 18's. The scientists were shocked. While the scientists stood there in shocked awe, a drunken radioactive spider bit into the flesh of the person, which left a distinct "666" pattern. Government agents who were over-seeing the project, injected an experimental serum into the site of the spider bite. This abomination became the present-day Zachary Brookshier OG. This creation explains why ZBOG, with help from Nick Fury, restarted the S.H.I.E.L.D. program.

History
ZBOG passed the BAR in 1990 and became a practicing attorney. His first case was representing Mega Man, who was being sued by the writers of Tron. The writers were pissed that one of the defining features of Mega Man was his suit, which they say resembled their Tron suits far too closely. It was a very heated week in court. Mega Man, with ZBOG's help, was found not guilty. ZBOG then counter-sued on the grounds of them being dicks about it all. And won.

In 2002, Zachary Brookshier OG helped quell a zombie uprising with his co-ass kickers, Henry Rollins, Hellmutt and Electrofux. The warriors, with help from the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers and Fox McCloud, snapped off many boots in many zombie asses. ZBOG was bitten in the arm during the skirmish, but was able to amputate the arm himself before the disease could spread to his body, cut the hand off, and using some rope built a crude flail. He later regrew the limb. ZBOG's role in these battles rocketed him to straight gangsta status.

In 2004 Redbull contacted ZBOG to bottle his piss, so that his awesomeness could be passed to others. After severe dilution the end product was released to the masses. It is largely believed that Redbull contacted ZBOG shortly after learning he was the insperation for Optimus Prime, even though he had not yet been created. To show their appreciation, Redbull sponsored ZBOG's battle against Godzilla, whom he beat the absolute shit out of.

Later this same year ZBOG started his band, God is Pud. GiP is a punk-metal-ska-folk-ragtime-acappella group. Members other than ZBOG are unknown but also dont matter. The band refused to sell records bacause, "Record sales win Grammys and that shit is lame." GiP is well known for playing parking lots of building where shitty pop stars are "performing" so that no one has to listen to the horrible noises inside, thus saving their souls.

2011 saw the death of Micheal Bay at the hands of ZBOG. No charges were ever pressed. When asked to comment on the incident, ZBOG said simply, "I got tired of his shitty movies and horror movie remakes." A parade was held in Hollywood in ZBOG's honor later that week.

Beef with Emo Kids
Zachary Brookshier OG despises emo kids above everything else. Their continued dipshitary is the thorn in the balls of this robot-man. ZBOG declared war on emo kids in 2003, a war which still rages. This is due to the fact that emo kids possess the power to make others attack themselves. This is possible because of the pitch of their voice and the "Bag-a-la-douche" vocabulary. Anyone claiming to be "hardcore" is subject to a scan by this killing machine. If no trace of punk is found, the offender is broken bottle to the faced by ZBOG. If someone is caught slam dancing, spin kicking or throwing their arms about, they waive the right to hardcore scan and proceed to broken bottle.

Note: Wearing NAZI garb is considered by ZBOG to be an automatic death sentence.

Modern Day
Zachary Brookshier OG currently resides with his goddess in his bangin mansion on Mount Olympus. He enjoys doing hood-rat stuff with his friends. His current mode of transportation is a buggy pulled by a team of unicorns. Yes, a TEAM of unicorns. Very few people have been allowed onto the property, but rumors of everything from a volcanic hot tub to the (re)crucified body of christ are constantly arising.