User:Zhoulez/Tokenism/KelseyStrom Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Zhoulez


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Zhoulez/Tokenism?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)

Lead
The lead looks good. Your deletion of the end of the last section makes sense and your reasoning is good

In television
"putting a minority into the mix" could use rephrasing to be clearer

potentially citations needed in section paragraph

if you are removing the part about Olivia Pope then maybe remove the sentence about Scandal and come up with a different example.

I agree that the last paragraph is too short and doesn't include and analysis but maybe you could find the article talking about it because removing both examples might not be wanted by other editors.

In film
The last sentence of the GBF paragraph could use retouching. "the rediculousness behind the tokenism of gay men in media" could maybe be changed to sound less like an opinion. Maybe to say "The objectification of gay men in media is shown in the movie to be harmful as it relies on stereotypes"

In work
The addition to the end of the paragraph about how to avoid tokenism at work might be considered an opinion/controversial approach to tokenism?

The sentence ending with "to behave in the expected, stereotypical manner" might also need a counter saying that some people end up behaving in ways to counter those stereotypes and be more accepted as a minority in the space.