User:Znode/Humor/Bŷgmunní University

Bŷgmunní University is an Ivy League private university founded in 1061 in Ivyhinthint, Massachusetts, USA. Originally established to be an monopoly on education, it has been the sole-choice university for natural geniuses for nearly a millenia. It is commonly regarded as the only university to attend for those remotely desiring a future, with a strong academic emphasis on geniusdom. The main campus and its subsidary wings are originally referred to as simply "Bŷgmunní"; however, it is now known colloquially as "have a future". This idiomatic usage is demonstrated by the following quote from New Bork Times. Parent A: "Hey, is your son going to have a future? Parent B (Dejected): "No." Parent A: "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

History
Bŷgmunní University was founded by Phencí Fourin-Naim Bŷgmunní (1001-1062) under the premise of blah blah blah, a philosophy inspired by Galvinicus in A.D. 273 with the raison d'être of "horizontal coherent incremental actuating conglomeration principles." In 1419, with the influence of the Renaissance upon Europe, there was a shift in business model overview with the goals of Bŷgmunní modified to "horizontal coherent incremental actuating agglomeration principles", radically shifting the future of Bŷgmunní for years to come.

Admissions
Admission to Bŷgmunní is often considered extremely fatal, for competitive reasons. Admission is determined fundamentally via five categories, or "pillars", of success. GPA is one factor; the average GPA of the Bŷgmunní 2005 undergraduate class is 6.21. A 2500+ SAT is also considered a critical pillar. The final three decisive categories consists of "Nobel Prize count", "percentage of world under reign", and "responsibility".

Bŷgmunní features a unique classification system of Nobel Prize counts not found in any other university. An undergraduate with the possession of three Nobel Prizes are awarded the honor of "Nobel Scholar". Four-Nobel winners are eligible for the title of "Nobel Scholar with Honors", while those with five can apply for "Nobel Scholar with Distinction".

Further, Bŷgmunní believes that social interaction and personal charisma are important traits in the quality of character. According to Bŷgmunní, "students with political control of a minor nation before their junior year in high school have a significant chance of attending this prestigious college."

Students are finally expected to complete homework on time.

Campus Life
The cost of attending Bŷgmunní is commonly believed to be approximately $2.3 billion US dollars per year. There are many advantages to attending Bŷgmunní, including, but not limited to:
 * Enhanced dormitories -- the dorm system at Bŷgmunní fully conform to the regulatory standards ISO 3001-1 and ANSI 472-6, "Crate Storage of Conventional Munitions."
 * Extracurricular Activities -- Contrary to popular belief, Bŷgmunní students are not fully obsessed with academia. Many extracurricular activities, such as ingestion, sleep, and movement are fully tolerated, and to an extent even encouraged, on the Bŷgmunní campus.