User:Zr-gpp-1/Deforestation in Haiti/Astebbins Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Zahir


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * Zahir's sandbox draft


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Deforestation in Haiti

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

I really enjoyed reading your piece! I don't mean to come across nitpicky at all, your proposed additions look really good and are thorough. Most of these are just suggestions to help the writing flow a little better. Overall, I think your additions will fill out the original article very nicely.

The lead section could use a link to the Wikipedia article on deforestation and climate change. Otherwise, your lead looks really good!

Where specifically are you planning on inserting your righting in the main article? Are you creating a section? If so, what is your proposed title?

Your starting sentence in the article body states that there is only 1% of the primary forest left in Haiti, what exactly does "primary forest" mean? Additionally, the article has conflicting statistics already about the amount of forest left, already stating that there is 2% and in another place 30% left. Is this 1% measuring something different then the others? If not, then it might be helpful to wright out exactly where you got the statistic from.

Your second sentence in the article body ("And although there hasn't been...") does not necessarily need the "and", it could just start with "Although." It is also lacking a little bit of fluidity. You might want to restructure it as "Although there has not been much data collected in Haiti concerning species populations before or after the occurrence of deforestation, through analyzing satellite imagery" (just a thought).

How is "they" referring to in your third sentence? It might work a little better if instead "Possible mass extinction of native Haitian species was also confirmed through on the ground observation conducted by scientists." You might also want to specifically list who the scientists are if it is a small group?

Your sentence starting "And although climate change catastrophes..." might have a more smooth transition if it started "Even though climate change..."

Your sentence "Some of these endangered species include..." was a little challenging for me to understand upon by first read. It might be helpful to briefly describe what the Haiti magnolia is in parentheses (I'm assuming it is a tree). The sentence following this one seems to be redundant.

Your second paragraph looks really good.