User talk:143737k/sandbox

=Instructor Feedback on Peer Review/Draft 2=

PolluxMariusPetrus once again you have provided an impressively detailed and thorough review for your peer. This is really phenomenal work, very meticulous and read with the critical eye of a tried-and-tested Wikipedian - keep up the great work, and I really hope you keep editing Wikipedia long after this project and class wrap up! Grade: 15/15

P143737k your peer review is one of the most comprehensive I've seen, and although so many comments/critiques may seem daunting, remember: all of those suggestions will contribute to the improvement of your Wikipedia page in the long run. There's a lot for you to tackle here, but since you were essentially rewriting your article from scratch, these suggestions will actually help you significantly in your goals for this article. Go through these items they've given you one at a time, and keep in mind their overall message when you're adding new content: be straightforward and clear in your writing; explain everything and don't assume prior knowledge; organize according to relevance and cite accordingly. You still have lots of time to keep working away on this page, and if you devote some time to these improvements and then add additional information on the adoption of women section, you will be able to produce a really solid article. Thanks also for responding to your peer reviewer right away and outlining the steps you will take. Oh, one last thing - you'll get full grades for adding the image to the page, but did you mean to add one that had Tiberius name highlighted in the middle? Seems odd without an explanation...Keep at it! Grade: 12/15 Gardneca (talk) 21:41, 25 March 2020 (UTC)

Peer Review 1 Winter 2020
Adoption in Ancient Rome (Original) Adoption in Ancient Rome was a frequent practice that was mainly performed by the upper classes with a large number being performed by the Senatorial class[3]. With succession and family legacy being of such importance Romans needed ways of passing down their fortune and name when unable to produce a male heir. With adoption being the only way to guarantee succession it became a norm among high ranking families to adopt young males into their families. With the Roman inheritance laws (Falcidia lex) women had very little rights or ability to inherit fortunes making them less valuable for adoption, however, women were still adopted but more commonly to be wed to an influential family.

(Edited) Adoption in Ancient Rome was frequently practiced and performed by the upper classes; a large number of adoptions were performed by the Senatorial class[3]. Succession and family legacy were very important; therefore Romans needed ways of passing down their fortune and name when unable to produce a male heir. Adoption was the only way to guarantee succession, so it became a norm to adopt young males into the homes of high ranking families. Due to the Roman inheritance laws (Falcidia Lex), women had very little rights or the ability to inherit fortunes. This made them less valuable for adoption. However, women were still adopted and it was more common for them to be wed to an influential family.

Causes (Original) Additionally one of the benefits of a male heir was the ability to create ties among other high ranking families through marriage. Senators throughout Rome had the responsibility of producing sons who could inherit their family's title and estate. With childbirth being so unpredictable during these times with no way of knowing gender before birth and the many children lost in the years directly after it was hard for these senators to control the situation. With the cost of children being high and average families having very few kids this posed a challenge to the Senators for without a male heir their title and estate could be forfeited. This was the leading cause for adoption in ancient Rome however it is important to note that adoption has been used for a variety of reasons many among them drastically different from this.

With adoption a guaranteed way of assuring a son this gave senators the freedom to produce children more openly without fear of only producing girls. Additionally now having less risk of succession issues male heirs could be married off to other high ranking families to create powerful ties among the upper class. In the case of the lower classes raising a large family was quite challenging due to the cost, this allowed them to put their children up for adoption which would benefit both the families and the child. One famous example of this is when Lucius Aemilius put his own two sons up for adoption[3]. With men holding the spotlight in history books and articles it is possible that adoption of girls was more popular but due to the most famous adoptions being male-female adoptions could have been wrongfully accounted. Additionally, with the legal impacts of women in ancient Rome being so minimal, it is possible that adoptions could have been more informal and therefore less accounted for in history.

(Edited) '''Additionally, one of the benefits of a male heir was the ability to create ties among other high-ranking families through marriage. Senators throughout Rome had the responsibility of producing sons who could inherit their family’s title and estate. Childbirth was so unpredictable during these times and there was no way of knowing gender before birth. This caused many children to be lost in the years directly after and was hard for the senators to control the situation. With the cost of children being high and average families having very few children, this posed a challenge to the Senators. Without a male heir, their title and estate could be forfeited. This was the leading cause for adoption in ancient Rome. However, it is important to note that adoption has been used for a variety of reasons; many among them drastically different from this Adoption was a guaranteed way of assuring a son; this gave senators the freedom to produce children more openly. They no longer feared a female baby because the child could be given away for adoption. Additionally, there was now a lower risk of succession issues because male heirs could be married off to other high-ranking families to create powerful ties among the upper class. In the case of the lower classes, raising a large family was quite challenging. Due to the cost, this allowed them to put their children up for adoption. It would benefit both the families and the child. One famous example of this is when Lucius Aemilius put his own two sons up for adoption[3]. With men holding the spotlight in history books and articles, it is possible that adoption of girls was more popular. However, because most of the famous adoptions were male children, female adoptions could have been wrongfully accounted. Additionally, because the legal impacts of women in ancient Rome were so minimal, it is possible that adoptions could have been more informal and therefore less accounted for in history.'''

Practice (Original) In Rome the rule and designation of adoption was given to the paterfamilias. Adoption would result in an equalization of power for the adopted child with the adopting families status immediately transferred to the child. This was almost always an improvement in power due to the high cost of adoption however Publius Clodius Pulcher [5] famously used this loophole for political power, however. During the Roman republic, the same laws stood in place with the only difference being the requirement of the Senate's approval. As the political structure shifted as did the rules regarding adoption approval.

The actual adoption that took place operated more like a wedding or a business contract we know today. The adopted child would take the family name as his own, along with this they kept their original name through the form of cognomen or essentially a nickname. The adopted child would maintain his previous families connections often leveraging this politically. Due to the power disparity that normally existed between the families involved in adoption a fee was often given to the lower family to help with replacing in most cases the firstborn son. Another case similar to adoption was the fostering of children, this effectively took place when a paterfamilias transfers his power to another man to be left in their care.

(Edited) '''In Rome, the rule and designation of adoption was given to the paterfamilias. Adoption would result in an equalization of power for the adopted child as the status of the adopting family was immediately transferred to the child. This was almost always an improvement in power due to the high cost of adoption. However, Publius Clodius Pulcher [5] famously used this loophole for political power. During the Roman Republic, the same laws stood in place with only one difference; the requirement of the Senate's approval. As the political structure shifted, the rules regarding approval of adoption also shifted The actual adoption that took place operated more like a wedding or a business contract that we would know today. The adopted child took the family name as his own. Along with this, the child kept his/her original name through the form of cognomen or essentially a nickname. The adopted child also maintained previous family connections and often leveraged this politically. Due to the power disparity that normally existed between the families involved in adoption, a fee was often given to the lower family to help with replacing (in most cases) the first-born son. Another case similar to adoption was the fostering of children; this effectively took place when a paterfamilias transferred his power to another man to be left in their care.'''

Imperial Succession (Original) Many of Romes famous emperors entered the throne through adoption as this was one of the few ways to avoid conflict. Among these men were Tactis Tiberius and Augustus to name a few[6]. Given the proven effectiveness for a long period of time emperors would simply adopt an heir to the throne. However, this wasn't always as easy as it may have seemed due to the many challenges of becoming emperor. For Augustus his uncle Julius Caesar was assassinated and he needed to claim the throne before anyone else tried to take over[1]. Being only 19 and never having served in battle his age was holding him back. Even more troubling were Antony's attempt to take over through political scandal. With Antony controlling all of Caesars previous power Augustus had few options, with very little power ad his age issues Augustus decided to wait out the current turmoil and prepare for a future role within Rome.

(Edited) '''Many of Rome’s famous emperors entered the throne through adoption because this was one of the few ways to avoid conflict. Among these men were Tactis Tiberius and Augustus, to name a few[6]. Given the proven effectiveness, for a long period of time, emperors would simply adopt an heir to the throne. However, this wasn't always as easy as it may have seemed, because of the many challenges of becoming an emperor. It became difficult for Augustus when his uncle Julius Caesar was assassinated and he needed to claim the throne before anyone else tried to take over[1]. Augustus was only 19 and had never served in battle; his age was holding him back. Even more troubling were Antony's attempts to take over through political scandal. With Antony controlling all of Caesar's previous powers, Augustus had few options. Very little power and his age helped Augustus decide to wait out the current turmoil and prepare for a future role within Rome.'''

'''Overall I think the article is very well organized and the information presented is concise to the point. In the edited versions of paragraphs, I mainly made changes with sentence structure and flow along with some different words to make the flow more consistent. I took out some information that I felt was not needed as it was already stated.''' Abbi9517 (talk) 13:45, 28 February 2020 (UTC)

Instructor Feedback Winter 2020: Draft/Peer Review 1
Abbi9517 thanks for your peer review. You clearly put a lot of work into editing all of the work on this draft, which I'm sure the other student will appreciate! However, none of the questions outlined in the peer review training on the dashboard are addressed, particularly with regard to content improvements. While your hard work is noted, it is more so copy-editing (ie proofreading) rather than reviewing, so please make sure to help your fellow students out by suggesting areas that work, that need improvement, questions/critiques/advice you might have had with regard to presentation, citations, organization, etc. Make sure to keep this in mind for the next round of peer reviewing! Grade: 16/20.

143737k your peer reviewer has done most of your work for you in rewriting your sentences to improve the presentation of your content, which is a great service to you! Make sure you take their suggestions to heart for the next draft. I understand that you will be adding more content as you noted in your sandbox, so your job is to ensure that you are presenting your new sentences in a clear, straightforward way (emulating the grammatical rewrites that your peer reviewer did for you) - if you want a bit of help with this, schedule a quick visit to the university's writing centre, they will be able to help you tackle the specific way of writing for this project. The other area that you need to work on is adding citations. I know you were focusing on rewriting this round and not necessarily on adding content, but all of your work still needs to be properly referenced so that your peer reviewer can evaluate your sources for accuracy. I'm really happy that you are rewriting this article, and am aware of how much work this can be, so keep up the good work! Grade: 17/20. Gardneca (talk) 22:45, 28 February 2020 (UTC)

Peer Review Fall 2019
After peer reviewing your article, there are just a few issues that require some editing, but overall the article was concise and relevant to the subject matter. I found one missing citation with is indicted in brackets [citation needed] under the heading of Rise. Your contents box the numbers could be spaced from the subject. Overall I find the article very well done, but reread it once more for areas that I may have missed.--AncientWeapons (talk) 17:32, 3 November 2019 (UTC)

Instructor Feedback Fall 2019
Thank you for your review, AncientWeapons, although I would have liked to see more suggestions for improvement. Besides the citation that you noted was missing, how else might the student improve the article? Based on what we learned about Peisistratos, what else can be added to this article? Please respond to this ASAP to receive full marks for the peer review.

143737k You've made some good additions, but I'm going to give your peer reviewer a chance to add their two cents with regard to how you might further improve the article before I chime in. Stay tuned! Gardneca (talk) 21:35, 5 November 2019 (UTC)


 * AncientWeapons please add some additional suggestions for improvement for your fellow student. Thank you! Gardneca (talk) 00:45, 13 November 2019 (UTC)


 * 143737k What was the reason that lead to his first exile from Athens?  Peisistratos enhanced the arts during that period of ancient Athens, to which extent did it affect the period and was it built on or did it vanish afterwards?  These are two points that can be expanded on. Your time line is following Peisistratos life but is there still one noticeable event that was left out, this is one route to take to polish your article.AncientWeapons (talk) 14:38, 14 November 2019 (UTC)

Thanks for your additional comments, AncientWeapons!

143737k this should give you some ideas for what you can add to your page over the next month. I particularly like the suggestion about adding information about "the arts", specifically I noticed that there's nothing really about the building projects that Peisistratos worked on. Those would be great improvements! In addition, I noticed that the sentences you added to your draft are in need of citations. I only one citation added by you, but all of your sentences should have them, so make sure you follow up on that. I want to see a lot more content added to this page, so please let me know if you have any questions, and reply to this comment when you have seen it with your plans and goals for improvement over the next month. Don't forget to tag me and sign with 4 tildes (~)! Gardneca (talk) 16:29, 14 November 2019 (UTC)

I plan on expanding heavily into the constructions he headed within Athens making that my largest section. Citations are definitely needed for what I have most have citations created but sitting on a seperate document. Thanks for all the info I will definitely use it in the net couple of days! 143737k (talk) 21:00, 5 December 2019 (UTC)

Peer Review
Great work on presenting the importance of adoption in Rome as a tool of achieving / maintaining wealth. The changes made make what was written prior to not only be unplagiarized but also more coherent and easy to follow for the average reader. The draft follows a nice structure from being a broad overview of adoption in Rome to specific and significant instances it is remembered for. It would be great to clarify on which genders were the popular choice of adoption and why, it is an interesting topic and one that is only mentioned briefly. Overall the draft shows great improvement and is a great addition to the information available on sites like wikipedia.

150664j (talk) 04:12, 2 March 2020 (UTC)150664j

Improving my article
Hi Professor Gardner,

I have created a large number of links on my page to other sites with similar info such as Augustus and Tiberius that kind of thing. The image I added can be found in the last section I will probably re size or position is when everything is said and done just want to see how much text I have to move around. The original article already has an image so when I move it over the article will have 2. Other wise all done.

Cheers, York 143737k (talk) 16:45, 22 March 2020 (UTC)