User talk:570alp/sandbox

For some reason, I can't see anything you have potentially edited or written. I'll check back later!

570kkl (talk) 16:45, 6 November 2017 (UTC)570kkl

I am having the same issue, perhaps there was an issue with posting. I'll check back later as well! Rebur (talk) 14:12, 11 November 2017 (UTC)

Apparently I did have an issue posting, I thought I had it figured out last week. Sorry yall! 570alp — Preceding unsigned comment added by 570alp (talk • contribs) 18:07, 12 November 2017 (UTC)

This is a great start to your article! I few suggestions I have is to add citations within your article. The other area I would suggest adding to if data is available is to add exposure odds if you were to eat under cooked cookie dough. Hope this helps! 570bcs (talk) 17:17, 13 November 2017 (UTC)570bcs

This is a topic close to my work so I may have more feedback on this than you expect. However, a fascinating topic to include on Wikipedia as there has been much more discussion around this in recent years. I would work on formatting the headers and titles so they are consistent w other wiki pages. Looking at the header “ingredients” I was expecting to see all the possible ingredients in cookie dough. I would possibly update this to “High Risk Ingredients”. Or call out what specifically you are focusing on in regards to the ingredients. Also, not all cookie doughs include these ingredients as people are now making ready-to-eat cookie dough. Or companies have found ways to mitigate the risk from these ingredients, is that something you would want to mention here? If you leave it titled “Ingredients”, I may just add a list of other ingredients traditionally used to make cookie dough but have limited risk for foodborne illness. Couldn’t flour be made from more than wheat, corn and rye? What about oats? You may think about updating to just say but sometimes will be made from various crops such as corn and rye. What does “other events” mean in this sentence – “These other events may include animal waste and other microorganisms that are not typically associated with a low-moisture food such as flour”. You seem to be referencing something but I am not sure what it is referencing prior to it. In regard to this sentence – “There are directions here, but in short, like eggs, the flour must be heated to 160°F and this can be achieved by using a microwave” what is “here” relating to? Should that be a link? Is heating flour in the microwave really a proven kill step? I have never heard of this before and would be interested to know the source for that. Other than cooking temperatures, are there other ways that cookie dough could be made to be eaten safe? Is it possible to omit the egg or flour? Or can you purchase eggs or flour that are treated in a way that they are deemed safe for consumption raw? Also, you mention the common symptoms for Salmonella and E. Coli but are there more severe consequences? I believe there are for both. It may be worth noting them since it could be a results of eating the raw cookie dough. Do you think it would be helpful to add current recommendations from industry groups or organizations like the CDC or FDA on if you should eat raw cookie dough? This could help strengthen your current page. It looks like you are still planning to add more information regarding the outbreaks that have occurred which relate to your topic which I think will strengthen your page. Would you ever add something specific to cookie dough produced at home? It looks like your outbreaks focus mostly on manufactured items. Make sure to add citations to all necessary parts of your page. Make sure to check appropriate spelling and grammatical errors as there were a couple I noticed.

This is a topic close to my work so I may have more feedback on this than you expect. However, a fascinating topic to include on Wikipedia as there has been much more discussion around this in recent years. I would work on formatting the headers and titles so they are consistent w other wiki pages. Looking at the header “ingredients” I was expecting to see all the possible ingredients in cookie dough. I would possibly update this to “High Risk Ingredients”. Or call out what specifically you are focusing on in regards to the ingredients. Also, not all cookie doughs include these ingredients as people are now making ready-to-eat cookie dough. Or companies have found ways to mitigate the risk from these ingredients, is that something you would want to mention here? If you leave it titled “Ingredients”, I may just add a list of other ingredients traditionally used to make cookie dough but have limited risk for foodborne illness. Couldn’t flour be made from more than wheat, corn and rye? What about oats? You may think about updating to just say but sometimes will be made from various crops such as corn and rye. What does “other events” mean in this sentence – “These other events may include animal waste and other microorganisms that are not typically associated with a low-moisture food such as flour”. You seem to be referencing something but I am not sure what it is referencing prior to it. In regard to this sentence – “There are directions here, but in short, like eggs, the flour must be heated to 160°F and this can be achieved by using a microwave” what is “here” relating to? Should that be a link? Is heating flour in the microwave really a proven kill step? I have never heard of this before and would be interested to know the source for that. Other than cooking temperatures, are there other ways that cookie dough could be made to be eaten safe? Is it possible to omit the egg or flour? Or can you purchase eggs or flour that are treated in a way that they are deemed safe for consumption raw? Also, you mention the common symptoms for Salmonella and E. Coli but are there more severe consequences? I believe there are for both. It may be worth noting them since it could be a results of eating the raw cookie dough. Do you think it would be helpful to add current recommendations from industry groups or organizations like the CDC or FDA on if you should eat raw cookie dough? This could help strengthen your current page. It looks like you are still planning to add more information regarding the outbreaks that have occurred which relate to your topic which I think will strengthen your page. Would you ever add something specific to cookie dough produced at home? It looks like your outbreaks focus mostly on manufactured items. Make sure to add citations to all necessary parts of your page. Make sure to check appropriate spelling and grammatical errors as there were a couple I noticed. Sorry for posting twice, I forgot to sign my first post. 570mna (talk) 23:15, 13 November 2017 (UTC)

What a great topic- raw cookie dough is the best, at least until you get sick from it. To add to the previous comments, citations, header formatting, cdc recommendations, and the header for ingredients indicating it is for the high risk items are all good ideas. And I personally would like options for safe consumption of raw cookie dough, if such exists. :) I look forward to your finalized article.  570rlg (talk) 21:53, 14 November 2017 (UTC)

Thank you for all of the helpful comments! I am in the process of adding the citations, as well as taking all of your comments into account. 570alp — Preceding unsigned comment added by 570alp (talk • contribs) 20:10, 15 November 2017 (UTC)

I agree this topic is very interesting. I see that you are already adding the citations, that is the area of concern as far as I can tell. I really like that you linked to the pages for salmonella and e.coli within the article making it easy to find more information. User:570smb —Preceding undated comment added 23:15, 16 November 2017 (UTC)

I think it's great that you are linking to other already existing Wikipedia pages, that will help your readers bounce from topic to topic and make the most of their learning experience. Linking them the way that you did, "here" is one way to do it but I think it might be easier if you just make the actual word the link and then when you punlish your article it will show up blue and anyone who has used Wikipedia before will understand that it is a link. Doing this might help stick to Wikipedia norms a little bit better, if that is something they look at when you try to publish. I like your information on Salmonella and think that that is another situation where you can take advantage of salmonella's already existing wikipedia page. Great topic and work so far! 570cjd (talk) 04:02, 20 November 2017 (UTC)

Looks like you got the kinks worked out with your article :) The first time I looked there was nothing there.  Technology is imperfect sometimes!  I think you have a great topic and something that people will find useful!  I appreciate your understanding of the assignment, as you consider the risk in your discussion of eating this delectable substance!  :)  My suggestions are simply template related. I really enjoyed that you are linking to other pages, but I agree with other commenters who have suggested to simply link a word from your text that is relevant as opposed to the user having to click "here". Your article would align more closely with existing articles if you format it in this way. I would also suggest perhaps inserting headings that differentiate your text sections a little better like there are in other Wikipedia pages. I believe this can be done by inserting =Heading=, ==Subheading==, etc. Also, for your references section, rather than numbering them, if you click on "Cite" while you're editing, and insert the citation information into the appropriate template, Wikipedia will format the reference for you. Then, if you create a "Reference" section (I can't entirely remember how to notate it but there is information on one of the PDF pages for the assignment on Blackboard), all of your references will be automatically numbered and formatted in that section if you simply insert the reference directly after the text that uses the reference. Example, "Eating cookie dough is delicious." . And then it will get formatted in the references section. Again, these are all just minor suggestions. Your content is excellent! 570hjm (talk) 04:32, 20 November 2017 (UTC)570hjm