User talk:570fmf/sandbox

I'd made some changes considering your points of view.Remember that only the sections "role of other animals" and in "the USA" will be modified in this article as my project.570fmf (talk) 01:45, 18 November 2013 (UTC)

I would suggest a further editing of this document (draft, in fact) before giving additional inputs. Indeed, for this purpose I propose to: - Visit other wikis, whether done by other students or even better already published in the Wikipedia. - To review the documents given in class about editing tools. - To insert different sections distributed according to a rank and order and including headings. - To include links to web pages, wiki's topics or definitions, and so on. - To include References I will visit the sandbox once some of these changes have been done. This way, it will be easier for everybody. 570acm570acm (talk) 10:56, 10 November 2013 (UTC)

•	Is there a source to support the first sentence? •	Spelling out acronyms the first time they are used is helpful. What is the OIE? OTC in the second to last paragraph could also be spelled out for clarification. •	In the paragraph before “In the United States,” the third sentence that says “bacteria remaining in these animals are likely to be resistant to antibiotics…” could be somewhat misleading if it were interpreted that ALL bacteria remaining were antibiotic resistant because some bacteria are not susceptible to the antibiotic to begin with so they would survive regardless of resistance. •	The explanation of tetanus and organisms that are not treated with antibiotics could be broken into its own section. •	The first paragraph in the United States section seems to cover a number of topics that could be broken down into their own paragraphs for clarity. •	How does the example of C. difficile fit in with the discussion of antibiotic resistance? Was this another bacteria that was targeted with an antibiotic that was banned around 2001 or did the use of antibiotics increase drastically in 2001 with the warning of C. difficile sweeping the industry? •	Overall there is a lot of good information. As already mentioned by others, formatting and links to additional sites for some of the less common terms would be a great improvement for the page. 570ps (talk) 17:56, 10 November 2013 (UTC)

Edits/recommendations Interesting subject. I am assuming this is an additional section to the larger page of antibiotic resistance. As stated above, the first sentence needs to be back-up by other statements. As this is a contentious issue, it should be stated as such. Additionally, it needs to match the rest of the overall article's view on antibiotic resistance, which should be impartial. "Antibiotic drugs are used in animals that are used as human food, such as cattle, pigs, chickens, fish, etc" --antibiotics can be used in all animals, including pets, in zoos, etc.--not limited to food animals. Be sure to clean up the grammar, there are some typos, sentences missing commas, punctuation, etc.

Good use of hyperlinks. Be sure to add more where applicable. "...rather than concern over the development of antibiotic resistance." Do you mean in humans or in livestock?
 * "Historically, there has been an extensive use of antibiotics in animal husbandry"--this only dates back since the last century. The history is not that long."

Please clarify this statement "The resistant bacteria in animals due to antibiotic exposure can be transmitted to humans via three pathways, those being through the consumption of animal products (milk, meat, eggs, etc), from close or direct contact with animals or other humans, or through the environment." Do you mean direct contact dermal, oral, or some other pathway of exposure? Additionally, what does "environment" mean in this case. It seems like a catch-all term.

Be sure to cite the following: "The World Health Organization concluded that inappropriate use of antibiotics in animal husbandry is an underlying factor that contributes to the emergence and spread of antibiotic resistant germs and the use of antibiotics as growth promoters in animal feeds should be prohibited, in the absence of risk assessments."

Cite: "In the world, the use of antibiotics in animals is widely accepted." Regarding the statement "As in Human medicine massive quantities of antibiotics are bought without prescription and are been used in pets and livestock without veterinary supervision" Which are the antibiotics that humans purchase without prescription?

Here is source worth looking at with respect to the growth promotion aspect of antibiotics: http://www.npr.org/blogs/thesalt/2013/11/04/241603861/why-are-pig-farmers-still-using-growth-promoting-drugs

Good job showing the progression/timeline of this issue. However, there are many more recent activities/history/sources from 2011-2013 that should be considered.

Regarding the last sentence, CDC still encourages the reduction of antibiotics in livestock and states "Up to half of antibiotic use in humans and much of antibiotic use in animals is unnecessary and inappropriate and makes everyone less safe." While it could be argued that CDC has a political agenda, so too the same with AHI. http://www.cdc.gov/narms/animals.html http://www.cdc.gov/drugresistance/threat-report-2013/pdf/ar-threats-2013-508.pdf#page=11

I would consider changing the last sentence. Rosmann570MAR (talk) 03:18, 20 November 2013 (UTC)570MAR (talk) 19:03, 11 November 2013 (UTC)

Hi. I found this interesting and well written. I would suggest in paragraph 3 the use of bullet points for the 3 methods of bacterial transmission and more subheading throughout. Also link some of this to other Wiki pages for instance on individual bacterial species or antibiotics. The references require formatting. In general I think it is a bit brief but I assume it is to insert into a larger page. Is there alreaday a section on EU to balance the US section? 570lah (talk) 17:54, 15 November 2013 (UTC)

There is good information here but while reading it I feel that it could be organized more there seems to be multiple subjects that could be split up to emphasize more specific points. Consider something such as:

prevention/mitigation
These is just a possible recommendation/ example of how I think it could be more organized and easy to read. I think that breaking this article down into more specific categories would greatly enhance it.good work!!570SJR (talk) 21:54, 17 November 2013 (UTC)

You have made a valuable addition to a current page. I only have a few suggestions:
 * Additional referencing needed for sentences (ie Sulfonamide and husbandry examples).
 * Also, many of the references are shown as [58] not the linked way.
 * Good job putting links for the agencys and other terms.
 * Typo?: “Human medicine” doesn’t need the human capitalized .  Langleym (talk) 23:42, 20 November 2013 (UTC)

You've done an incredible amount of research, so kudos to you! It's a very broad topic, and you really encompasses a lot of it. I liked the intro before the sections. The picture was perfect for showing antibiotic resistance and the quote was appropriate. My only critique at this point is, I think this could easily be two wiki pages: background and history of resistant organisms as one, and the different strains currently at the forefront of the problem plus "Alternatives" and "Research" as another. I liked that you included the "see also" section; if you could find a link to the Frontline special "Hunting the Nightmare Bacteria" (it's a two-parter, but the first part aired not too long ago) that would be a good source. 570ADM (talk) 21:34, 22 November 2013 (UTC)

This is definitely a well written and data collection article ! But I also feel that it is too broad stream and it would have been a little more narrow if only a few antibiotics were considered and worked out. I liked the way the information was provided pictorially.If the content under resistant pathogens were in the form of a tabulation it would have made it simpler and easier to go through. Good work and I really enjoyed reading your articles!! 570mac (talk) 17:20, 23 November 2013 (UTC)

Yafei Wang

You've really done a huge and excellent work for your wiki project. I can not pick out any insufficiency from your contents. And it's also very current because you're writing about the antibiotic resistance in US, 2013. Although antibiotic resistance can be a very general and broad topic, however when you talk about it in US at 2013, it becomes specific and initiative. I think the pictures shown facilitate us to understand the process quite well. And the "foot note" you added are really tremendous, we really can see that you worked pretty deep into this topic. I think may be you can put some of the "foot note" into the reference category, but I can see you are intentionally separating them from all the research papers you cited. 570wyf (talk) 08:30, 25 November 2013 (UTC)

The amount of valuable information on this page is very impressive, especially how easy it is to understand by the way you have written on the subject. All of the visual aids used on the page contribute greatly to my own conceptualization of this topic. I wish I had more constructive criticism to provide you with in regards to this page. I suppose my only suggestion would be to find additional opportunities to link the content of this wiki page to other wiki pages. It is my belief that doing this would contribute to readers ability to dive deeper into the many factors that contribute to antibiotic resistance risk in the US and abroad. 570mpt (talk) 23:33, 27 November 2013 (UTC)

James Miller

Great job in the research dept and well written. The graphics helped me follow along in areas that I had to focus on more than others. Some clarifications: 1) This sentence seems wordy and indirect: The resistant bacteria in animals due to antibiotic exposure can be transmitted to humans via three pathways, those being through the consumption of animal products (milk, meat, eggs, etc), from close or direct contact with animals or other humans, or through the environment. How about (consuming Animals),(dermal, oral, inhalation)...Environmental?

2)Reduce the amount of information. Background/History/Existing problems "strains"/research being done. otherwise, although well written and presented, common readers will loose the details. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Go4dodgers (talk • contribs) 22:39, 2 December 2013 (UTC)