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February 2021
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starting with you (book)
frankie I

When you're playing a game and you fail, what do you do? Right, you click the restart button. So, that's what I did.

Though, I might have to rewind to last Thursday for you to understand just why I might ever want to run away.

“Hey Frankie,” My best friend Alyona Vlahos, walked behind me. “What are we doing this Saturday?” She asked as she pushed her long, frizzy blonde hair out of her face. “Well,” I stopped to think for a moment. What could we do without being yelled at by our mothers? “How about we go roller skating?” I asked her. When she didn’t answer, I looked over to see her pondering my question, letting it hang in the air. Her eyes suddenly widened out of nowhere. “Sure!, I could get us cute matching roller skates online!” She tried eagerly when the loud school bell rang. “Damn it.” Alyona looked less excited now that she remembered that we were still at school and it was only the third period. “Ah well, see you later!” She yelled a bit too loudly when she scurried up the stairs for her next class. I snorted at her antics.

I walked into my third period english class and sat down at a random desk near the back of the class.

“Good morning everyone! Alright it looks to me like everyones here today,” My teacher, Mrs Lewis walked over to close the door. “So let's get started with the lesson!” She clapped her hands together. Like Alyona, Mrs Lewis was always so excited. Probably from all of the caffeine they both consume at ungodly hours of the morning.

I zoned out after that, which was most likely caused by my ADHD. I mean, it’s not like I care at all, I’m already failing her class.

After the longest 40 minutes of my life, the bell rung and I quickly got up and out of that stupid classroom and made my way outside and waited on the bench for Alyona, because forth period was both of our lunch periods.

I didn’t have to wait for long because after a good thirty seconds I looked up and she was there. I jumped a little because I always forgot that Alyona could pop out of nowhere sometimes. I waved it off as she sat down next to me and immediately took out her phone. I looked over to see what she was doing and would you look at that, she was searching for cute matching roller skates on Amazon.

She looked over to me and her mouth upturned as she looked back down at her phone and clicked on a pair of white leather roller skates with butterfly patches and purple gems on them. “Don't you just love them?” She smiled warmly at me. My heart skipped a beat. Wait- “Y-yeah” I blinked at her. She looked back down at her phone and ordered two pairs. “I got them for us!,” she exclaimed, kicking her legs. “Express delivery too! Their coming tomorrow isn’t that exciting!” She looked back up at me with a broad smile. “You do that alot.” I stated, grinning. “Do what?” “Smile.” I gave her a gentle smile back. As I did I noticed that she had put on a sunflower crown. I giggled a bit. “What?” She said trying to be serious, but her composure was falling as she fell into a small fit of giggles as well. “Your flower crowns’ adorable” I said matter-of-factly. She blushed at that. “W-well thanks Frankie” She said with a soft smile. “Anytime.” I said, as my phone buzzed. She jumped a little at the interruption. I looked down to see that it was my mother that texted me.

Call me!!

I rolled my eyes. I picked up my phone and when Alyona gave me a questioning look, I signaled for her to look at what I was. She scoffed. I snorted. I pressed the call button on my phone and walked a little away from Alyona.

“Yeah, Mom?” I put the phone up to my ear. “Get home! Now!” She said in a bitter tone. I scrunched my eyebrows. “Why?” I was genuinely curious why she was so angry and why she wanted me home so badly. “God damnit! Now Frankie!” She practically yelled at the phone. I blinked. “I-” I was going to press for more but she hung up on me. I looked back up to Alyona and slowly walked back to her.

“I...I think I have to go.” I struggled for words. “What? Why?” She strung out. I shrugged, grabbed my backpack and started walking home. I suddenly turned around.

“Where are you going? What about tonight?” She stood. “I'll call you. Tell my teachers i'm sick or something.” I swallowed. What if she knows? I quickly turned back around and started walking faster. She can’t. There’s no way. My breath started to shorten as I turned the corner. Under the bed, Frankie. I gritted my teeth and started lightly jogging, hyperventilating.

It took me about another ten minutes to get to my house, with my increasing pace. By the time I got there I was panting. I walked up the steps afraid to see what was going on. I opened the creaking door slowly.

“Mom?” I said, trying to keep my voice steady. “Frankie!” My mom shouted as she walked into the room. My hands were shaking. My mouth was dry. “What happened?” I asked afraid to look her in her bold eyes. She marched into the room. “You disobey god? Like this?” She fumed as she held up my box. My box. She looked like she had just killed someone with all of the anger that filled her. I faltered and tried to speak. “M-mom I promise i-it’s not what you think it is” I said so quiet you could barely hear it. Her nostrils flared. “Oh really?” She stomped over to the fireplace and threw the box right into it. My box. I made a distressed noise and I could feel the burn of my tears rushing down my face. “No!” I rationed as I tried to reach for it. “No is right. No, you will not sin under my roof. No you will not live by me and no, you will not step into this house ever again. Grab your things and go.” She seethed. I felt like dying right then and there. She was kicking me out. What was I going to do?

frankie II

I stared, astonished my mother would throw me out. “Out!” She reached to hit me. I pushed away, and ran up the stairs. I opened the door to my room and it was trashed. Everything in there had been gone through, opened, or unlocked. I couldn't remember how to breathe. I dumped everything in my backpack onto the floor. I was in panic mode. I grabbed only things I needed, like rolled up shirts and pants, a blanket, a charger, my wallet, and undergarments. I couldn't think correctly. I decided to grab a smaller bag that I kept in my room in case of this. It was filled with random convenient things. I think it had some tape in it, a book, a speaker, a heater, some tampons, a couple of reusable ice packs and some granola bars.

I wiped my tears that just kept flowing and dazed, I walked down the stairs. I headed immediately for the door, not wanting to face my mother. I turned the handle and slammed the door. My hand curled up into a fist. How could she? You know you deserve it.

I flexed my hand and headed down the steps to my bike. I didn’t even grab a helmet. I just started to ride with all of my pent up anger. I sniffled only to realize that I was still crying. I turned the corner down to the school building. We had ten minutes left of the period. I sped down there. All I wanted to do was hug my best friend and cry on her shoulder for the rest of eternity.

It took another two minutes to get there and when I did finally get to the courtyard, my control over my tears was falling. I stopped on the grass, got off my bike and saw Alyona waiting for me. I just started running towards her. She looked confused until she saw my tears. I ran into her and grabbed on for dear life.

“Frankie! What happened? Are you oka-” She was cut off by my continuous sobbing. “She kicked me out.” I mumbled incoherently into her shoulder. I sniffed in an attempt to stop crying, but that had only made me cry harder. My hands curled to fists on her shirt.