User talk:AAAHHHHH/sandbox

In your sandbox you mention some very important things in relation to Camden's redevelopment but I believe there are many things you could do to make you contribution to the Camden Wikipedia page more impactful. First, you could better organize the information that you provide. You jump from Frank Moran's contribution to general redevelopment history without a clear separation. If Moran's contributions to redevelopment are that important the redevelopment then he should probably get his own section header within the Redevelopment section. Next, you should curate the information you provide so that information is not repeatedly mentioned. It is very noticeable that you mention the same building with the same offices twice when you could have just mentioned it once with more emphasis the one time you do mention it. The tower is very important a symbol of Camden's redevelopment, and could even get its own subsection due to its importance, but it should not be mentioned, forgot about and the mentioned again with some of the same information. I have also noticed that you DancingDancingCrazy and I have some of the same information in our sandboxes (referring to the companies the Moran has helped bring in). This itself is not an issue, but we should work together to decide where this information most properly fits so that we do not unnecessarily repeat this information. Finally, I would recommend adding some internal links to other wikipedia articles in your sandbox. This does not affect the content of the article, but will be important when you are publishing it so you should get a start on it early. 165.230.225.113 (talk) 19:23, 16 April 2019 (UTC)

There is a lot of great information here, but you could group some things together to make everything more organized. For example, the Camden Tower and it’s offices are mentioned multiple times in different areas. Structure wise, several sentences are very long. They could be reworded so they are broken down into smaller sentences. It would make them much easier to read. And with the exception of dates and titles of things that have numbers (such as the 76ers), you may want to write out numbers rather than using the numerical key.SpaceFerret (talk) 01:52, 17 April 2019 (UTC)

You should link out to pages on Wikipedia if they exist, because it looks a bit bare on that front. I would cut the two has, Moran assisted, Moran helped is enough. I have to agree that it seems like we need to come together on different parts of Moran since there is so much overlap.Dancingdancingcrazy (talk) 11:18, 17 April 2019 (UTC)

I think you have a lot of great material here, much of which can be moved without much editing onto the main page. I do have some concerns about the sourcing of the Frank Moran material: all of that being drawn from the Mayor's office page is questionable for me. I think that section needs a greater variety of sources before it can be moved onto the main page. Other than a few sentence-level errors we can discuss in person, I think you've done well here. What I don't see is an obvious direction for what you're going to write next. Is there more about riverfront development or are you shifting directions entirely? Colbuendia71 (talk) 17:48, 25 April 2019 (UTC)

The content in your sandbox is good and I think it is ready to be moved to Camden's main page, I just think that you have to carefully plan out how you want to compartmentalize your information and make sure that you can find a place where it fits well into the main article. You go over a bunch of different topics and I think if you put all of the information together onto the main page it could look sloppy. I would recommend making some sections in your sandbox using headers and move those sections into Wikipedia where they belong. Also your picture just sits at the end near the page near the sources, you should figure out where that image fits best and more strategically place it there. Dev JLap (talk) 21:00, 30 April 2019 (UTC)

At the beginning of some of your sentences you have "month of year" when it can just be like October 2018. I think you can link out to more pages like George NoRcross has. I agree that you should have some headings to delineate where some of these paragraphs will go on the Camden main page. The part about revitalizing restaurant's row is interesting. The other parts are just about office buildings and it seems not as exciting. I think you nailed the Wikipedia style of being neutral and in the past despite writing about future projects. Hopefully these things actually get built this time. Dancingdancingcrazy (talk) 23:38, 30 April 2019 (UTC)

I’m curious as to how your page will be organized. Adding headers to the different topics would differentiate them from one another and make it more clear as to where they are going. I would also insert some internal links for things such as location, companies and street names.

You have a really great picture with an appropriate description. My only criticism is positioning next to the text about the beer garden, rather than below it.SpaceFerret (talk) 01:15, 1 May 2019 (UTC)

You have great information here, and it's well-sourced. There are some places where you need to think a bit more about your tenses and situating your reader in time: remember the phrase "as of May 2019." For example there's a place where you mention a company still wanting to develop a parcel of land: it's important to give some kind of time stamp for that. Otherwise, this is great work that's generally ready to be moved. Colbuendia71 (talk) 19:07, 2 May 2019 (UTC)