User talk:ALeersnyder/sandbox

Topics for Page 1)Attic Red Figure Kylix showing Jumper. Attributed to Onesimos 2)Javelin Plate by Caskey & Beazley 3)Epidauros Stadium

(ALeersnyder (talk) 00:28, 9 October 2017 (UTC))

Peer Review
Intro The phrase “….and the Proto-Panaithain group is given credit for it,” I think could be rephrased to flow a little better
 * Make sure to add hyperlinks to existing Wikipedia articles

•Overall the Intro is well done, does a good job of introducing the piece.

Description

•Instead of “The drinking kylix here supports that idea strongly” maybe point out places on the piece where anatomy and male athletes are emphasized. You could say something like “ [_____ characteristics of kylix] support this theme.

•Explain what jumping weights are or add hyperlink to existing page

•I really like where you described the positioning of his body/ his pose

•“In additions there…” --> “In addition, there….”

•The male is described as a youth for the first time when you are talking about the inscription, maybe mention that he’s young earlier in the description.

•I especially like your description of Side A where you discuss how the image shows the preparation rather than the actual event.

Discovery

•“This tomb was in southern Greece [and] would could be [evidence] of trade…”

•“…after its [last] owner passed away”

•If possible, it might be helpful to have a map that shows where Ancient Caupua was.

History of the Pentathlon

•Potential sentence revision (totally up to you!!): “The Pentathlon was a series of five athletic events, and the victor was the athlete who had the highest overall performance across each of the events.”

•“This event was introduced…” – I think you’re referring to wresting here, maybe say something like “wrestling was introduced” or “the final event was introduced”

•“..speed, strength, and power [in order] to win.”

•“…it is know[n] that wrestling [is] last.”

•Are there any examples/evidence that shows how we know wrestling is last? It might be cool to include that information but I understand that sometimes it’s hard to get just a simple and straight answer.

•“…some models that could potentially [reflect] what was used.”

•I like how at the end you highlighted that these images were done on pottery because the athletes were so highly regarded.

Mirandabrown (talk) 01:49, 6 November 2017 (UTC)Miranda Brown
 * Really great overall!! — Preceding unsigned comment added by Mirandabrown (talk • contribs) 01:45, 6 November 2017 (UTC)

Hi Angela -- make sure to include a title for your article! Make it something clear and understanding (think about how someone might search for your article on Wikipedia in the future). Jpaga (talk) 13:53, 6 November 2017 (UTC)

Hey Angela -- In paragraph 3, I would eliminate the sentence "This kylix is decorated all over." It sounds out of place with the rest of your paragraph. Through out the article as a whole, double check that you're not making assertions you can't back up. I know it is kind of weird to write without putting your opinion in since we write like that for every other paper, but just keep an eye out for it. Kaylauer520 (talk) 14:46, 20 November 2017 (UTC)

Comments from Prof. Paga
This is a good article! Here a couple suggestions for making it even better: (1) Make the title more snappy. Perhaps something as basic as: Kylix with Pentathletes. You don't need to say it's a drinking kylix because ALL kylikes were for drinking. (2) Capitalize Archaic (...in the late Archaic period...) (3) Include a hyperlink to the pentathlon page earlier in the article (4) Capua is in southern ITALY not southern Greece (I think this was just a typo) (5) Consider making a new final section about the high esteem of athletes, and especially pentathletes. You bring this up several times, especially with reference to Aristotle, and it's a really interesting point. It could make a great concluding section to your article. You could largely cut / paste sentences from the prior sections and then just expand a bit (perhaps refer to other pots/statues of pentathletes discussed by some of your peers in your group?). Jpaga (talk) 15:25, 20 November 2017 (UTC)