User talk:A ANGELU/new sandbox

Alyssa's Peer Review
Hi Alyssa!

Here are some grammar things I picked up along the way that might be helpful!

-“Transportation in Australia” (maybe to Australia?);

-“forcing him to have to have” (I think you just typed to have twice!);

-“Robert escapes due to Conn (Conn the Shaughraun (Irish seachránaí = wanderer, errant person),” I don’t think you need to put brackets around the Conn the Shaughraun;

-Maybe instead of “fooling his way onto the ship. The two of them then fool their way on to another ship heading back to Ireland”, you could use another synonym other than fool;

-Maybe instead of “Conn foils their plans by interfering himself;”, you could say “Conn interes with their plans, bursting Robert out of prison.”;

-Also, I think Harvey Duff would be called a police informant, rather than informer.

Notes on Content: This summary includes important information all of which is relevant to the topic. The article does not present any distracting information that would confuse the reader. The article does not appear to have any information out of date, due to the historical nature of the play. The plot summary appears to be complete and there does not seem like there is anything missing! Some minor grammatical points have been proposed which may add to the clarity!

Notes on Tone: The article does not appear heavily biased toward a particular position, nor are there viewpoints that are overrepresented or underrepresented. For example, in summarizing Claire’s conflict of loyalties, the text remains neutral and does not promote either an Irish or English perspective.

Notes on Sources: The citations and links in the article work well! The source supports the claim of the article, as the source is the play by Boucicault! The sources are neutral and unbiased neutral sources!

Hi

In addition to 's excellent grammar and phrasing notes, I'd like to urge you to rephrase the claim that the play is "about" Robert Ffolliot (as it is about many things!) and also that Kinchella receives a letter from The Queen (which rather makes it sound as though they're in personal correspondence). I also thought you might flesh out the ambiguity around Robert's fenian status a little more fully. This is looking extremely promising, however. Great work!EmerOToole (talk) 18:01, 18 October 2018 (UTC)

Hi

The writing is looking much better here - well done. The first sentence is great! However, I think you could still be clearer about the fact that there is an ambiguity in the play as to whether Robert is a Fenian or not. It's not quite right, after all, that he was sent as a result of Kinchela's desire for ownership of the O'Neale property. This is a factor. He was sent to Australia as a Fenian prisoner, although the play leaves his involvement in the cause strategically ambiguous. EmerOToole (talk) 15:32, 1 November 2018 (UTC)

Hi

A quick note to advise you to integrate my feedback above and start moving this material to wikipedia.

Hi

Congratulations on finishing the assignment. You will receive your grade soon. 206.180.240.68 (talk) 22:38, 6 December 2018 (UTC)