User talk:A Peresie/Jane Veeder

I think the structure of the article is very clear, especially the brief description. However, personally, I think some of the information still needs to update. I gonna list below. 1. Most of the information is about Jane Veeder's early life and career. I hope you could update some current information. 2. Achievements of Jane Veeder need to do more research. I think she is influential, so I would like to see how she influences art. Such as exhibitions, activities, etc. 3. I think some of the information needs more reference, I hope you could keep completing the references. 5. I hope you could make a worklist, I cannot be clear to see the artist's work. 6. If it is possible, you could put some pictures or images on it.

Your text, to be edited will be bolded My suggested copy-edits will be italicized

LEAD
 * "Photography" in first paragraph of lead section should be lowercase.
 * "Veeder moved away from traditional art making and began her work in the digital arts in 1976 (add comma) after her enrollment (enrolling) in the graduate program at the School of the Art Institute of Chicago (SAIC) (add --) where she first discovered video as an artistic medium."
 * "Her video work typically involves working with a computer to create the images, rather than a video recorder, to achieve a more direct relationship between the artist and the piece." change to "Her video work typically involves working with a computer, rather than a video recorder, to achieve a more direct relationship between the artist and the piece.

EARLY LIFE AND EDUCATION
 * "Both of Jane Veeder’s parents were Artists, (change comma to ;) her mother was a painter and her father was a photographer."
 * add comma after "From 1967-1969"
 * add comma after "California College of Arts & Crafts"
 * Edit this section for cohesion and have a single, neutral voice.

EARLY CAREER IN COMPUTER GRAPHICS
 * Veeder's knowledge of photography lead her to experiment with video art, (delete)eventually (add)and her eventual pursuit of working across multiple program platforms.

COLLABORATIVE WORK
 * but rather an entirely new set of tools with (omit)an entirely add a new set of capabilities that had yet to be taken advantage of. (too redundant)

SOLO WORK Aalmuk (talk) 19:31, 7 April 2020 (UTC)aalmuk
 * Over the span of her career, Jane Veeder has worked on many independent projects, Several of these projects (change to) several of which have been exhibited at the SIGGRAPH Art Show.
 * Her video piece titled Montana (delete)piece would
 * (delete)Again, two years later, at the 1985 SIGGRAPH Art Show Veeder only exhibited one work. The work exhibited that year(delete comma), titled Vizgame (delete)and was a computer generated interactive artwork.
 * The piece allowed the player to build a real-time generated animation on a 16-square grid, allowing the player to control the animation of each block. (make this sentence less redundant, omit using both "allowed")
 * In 2018 Veeder (change to Veeder's) work