User talk:Abbi9517/sandbox

=Instructor Comments on Draft/Peer Review 2=

Michaelchan1998 thanks for your positive and encouraging peer review! Great suggestions for improving grammar and content, well done! Grade: 13/15

Abbi9517 you did a really great job improving your article this round - good work! A few additional proofreading issues to the ones your peer pointed out: 'women' not 'woman' in the hyena sentence; almost all of your semi-colons are used incorrectly and should be replaced with colons, commas, or dashes. If you aren't sure, separate into two sentences. Proofread all the edits you made in the last round, because there are several areas where you rewrote the sentence to improve clarity (which is great!), but then misspelled something, or changed a tense or, as your reviewer noted, added too many spaces. So, tackle that first - go through everything and proofread like you're editing another peer's work! Also, take a look at your citations: you have Harlowe twice and typos in each. The other things I want you to work on for your final draft, in addition to adding content to the death and burial section, include: 1) the lead. Right now your lead section reads more like page content - consider putting that content somewhere in the page and writing a brand-new lead at the very end, that best represents the new page; 2) Formatting under 'pregnancy and birth' needs to be addressed, since it looks like these should be separate sub-headings; 3) consider the organization of the sections 'Childhood stages' (also why is birth just alone here? Are you going to turn this into a table or leave as is?), 'Family', and 'Life' - can these be combined somehow? How are they different? What are you trying to say in each one? Keep up the hard work, if you continue this level of improvement, this will be a really good page at the end! Grade: 14/15 Gardneca (talk) 15:48, 24 March 2020 (UTC)

Peer Review #2
Hi Abbi your article is superbly written in terms of content and spelling, your sentences are both done well and in good format however I did notice that one of your sentences, especially the one at the end of your first paragraph concerning pregnancy and birth seems to have to much of a spacing in the middle of it. The sentence fat from a hyena lion was used to induce labour for woman who were having difficulties with labour. is somewhat confusing, im not sure what you meant to say with it but if you meant fat from a hyena or lion, then you should probably remember to add it. Your citations appear to be In order with clear and precise quotations throughout your article but Im unsure about whether they match wiki formatting and if they need to match wiki formatting.

The sentencing and paragraphing structure in the family section is superbly well done with clear and informative sentences that capture and hold the readers interest. For your next step I would recommend updating and adding more to the death and burial section as welling as trying to expand more about the section on life

But in total I think your article is superbly well written and just needs a tiny bit of improvement — Preceding unsigned comment added by Michaelchan1998 (talk • contribs) 20:28, 14 March 2020 (UTC)

'''Thank you for your review. Everything that you have said makes sense, for the area which includes the lion I will look at and clarify it to make the information more clear. As well as reviewing spelling/ grammar/ spacing differences. Finally, I'm going to look at the death and burial section and add more to it.''' — Preceding unsigned comment added by Abbi9517 (talk • contribs) 13:01, 24 March 2020 (UTC)

Instructor Comments Draft/Peer Review 1
143737k thanks for your comprehensive and supportive review. Lots of really good suggestions for improvement here, but some odd formatting (not sure where the block quotes came from, for example). Don't be afraid to be more direct in your reviews; we all know that this is meant to be constructive criticism, so be confident in your evaluations. Work on organizing/clarity so it's clear to your peer exactly what you are saying (e.g. your first sentence is a bit confusing). Overall, you clearly went through your peer's work carefully and have taken the time to provide helpful feedback. Good work! Grade: 19/20.

Abbi9517 your peer reviewer has given you some very helpful suggestions for improvement, and you have a lot that you can work on this week. They lay everything out for you, section by section, and then summarize at the end. I agree with everything they've said here, and your main objective this week is to organize and clarify your writing. You did such a fantastic job proofreading the work of the peer who you reviewed, now give yourself the same treatment! Make sure every word, sentence, and section is organized and clearly states exactly what you want it to convey. Make sure that it makes sense for someone coming to this page for the first time. For the childhood stages, I like the idea of turning it into a table (unless you are going to expand each section with additional writing) and make sure you cite where the info came from. A lot of what you've added can be expanded upon this week with additional references, and make sure to consolidate your existing citations (#1-3, and 10 are all the same). Keep working hard at this and it will turn into a fantastic page! Grade: 15/20 (16/20, -1 late additions) Gardneca (talk) 16:22, 2 March 2020 (UTC)

Peer Review March 1st 2020
Hi Abbi9517

The first section in pregnancy and birth make sure when you merge your addition it stays smooth, you use the same quote as the existing section so double check when you upload that its not double listed. For your quotes make sure to match Wiki formatting I'm not sure if it needs proper APA. Otherwise first section looks good nice job expanding the existing info, may be worth looking into finding extra citations to back up the existing info.

Midwives and Medical Care

Nice job moving the Naming into this section makes a lot more sense. Really good info in the body of this section but it really could use more support with citations I would say take even key words from your written sections and search in JSTOR should help find some useful articles.

A few grammatical errors "The ideal midwife had to posses the follow characteristics" "They were freed woman whom are or come from a wealthy household" Seems like odd wording "she would have easy delivery but the left food caused death of either the baby or the mother." A few small errors but on the whole great job so far on the article just make sure to get some more citations.

Childhood Stages For this section you may want to turn it into a table? If your citation in this section had all the info for the whole sections use the citations on the title of the section instead of only the last seciton. May want to provide more info into some sections but I understand the lack of info on this subject.

Family

The family section was well done I think this section can be expanded even further you may want to look at the politics of the time and see how that impacted family. Some rulers gave incentives to having more kids and that kind of thing.

Great job so far your article is really looking so much better. Top three things 1. Find more citations for both your work and existing info. 2. Double check grammar and citation formats. 3. Try and make the sections flow well and maybe focus on updating the Daily Life and Death and Burial next. 143737k (talk) 02:33, 2 March 2020 (UTC)

Annotated Bibliography
Abbi9517 great work on your annotated bibliography. I'm really looking forward to the improvements you'll make to this article! Grade: 10/10 Gardneca (talk) 15:07, 21 February 2020 (UTC)