User talk:AboveHeights2022/sandbox

First Discussion
Starting my talk page AboveHeights2022 (talk) 13:54, 22 May 2024 (UTC)

Ayanga short review
Hi @AboveHeights2022, I'm doing a short review as requested. It's a good start, so I'll suggest a few things you can work on. I'm willing to set up a zoom session to go deeper into any questions you might have. I tend to run reviews this way: I go through the article and list issues and things to work on. It can get extensive, so please excuse me if I come across as overly harsh; I've found that I get the most out of extensive reviews and that's how I learned to conduct them, so that's what I do. I also hate reviews that direct you to do things like, "Change the typo in the second section," when it's just as easy and saves more time for everyone to just correct spelling, grammar, and format errors and then explain what I've done in the edit summary. I may come here to explain what I've done, especially when it has to do with Wikipedia policies and traditions. Hope it's helpful. Christine (Figureskatingfan) (talk) 22:49, 17 June 2024 (UTC)

Lead

You'll notice that I removed the heading of the what used to be the first section. The first section is always the lead, and it's always headerless. Remember that the lead is a summary of the article. What you have now is a good start; I like to write the lead last, after I've written the rest of the article. Christine (Figureskatingfan) (talk) 22:53, 17 June 2024 (UTC)


 * Hi@Figureskatingfan, Thank you for your review, I agree with you. Fancy (AboveHeights2022) AboveHeights2022 (talk) 08:57, 18 June 2024 (UTC)

Early life and education More later. Christine (Figureskatingfan) (talk) 23:40, 17 June 2024 (UTC)
 * First paragraph. Now I will explain why I changed these sentences so much. In Wikipedia, you never refer to the subject by their first name. It's okay to use their first and last names the first time you refer to them and then only by their last names thereafter. Please make sure that your dates are consistent, even in the citations. It's not standard to use "10th" and its variations with dates. You can use any date format you like, as long as it's consistent. There's a traditional way to introduce the subject's family, birthdate, and birthplace; I changed it to follow it more closely. (In other words, the wording is almost exactly the same in every biography of living person.) Do you have any information about Ayanga's parents, especially her mother's deathdate? (That's why I created kind of a place space for that; if you can't find it in a source, you should delete it.
 * Ref 1: It's not standard to use a subject's writings to support your claims, especially not a master's thesis. I'm okay with using it, especially if it's the only source you can find with the infomation. If you can find a more reliable source, though, I'd replace it. Also, the thesis says nothing about her birthplace, so unless you a source with that info, you need to remove it. The citation is also formatted incorrectly; I suggest that you use the citation feature in visual editor for all your citations.
 * Ref 2: Again, formatted incorrectly. I moved it to the end of the sentence, which is standard, unless you're using a direct quote in the middle of your sentence.


 * As for reference 1, that is the only source which mentions Hazel's parents. I'm not sure whether we should retain or delete it all together. Concerning Hazel's parents, unless I find out through oral sources if they are alive or death. Our challenge remains how to document oral sources. Thank you. Fancy (AboveHeights2022) AboveHeights2022 (talk) 09:00, 18 June 2024 (UTC)
 * @AboveHeights2022/Fancy, I agree with you about oral sources; that's a challenge for so many. The quick answer is to refer you to the No Original Research policy, which I'm sure you already know about. About "sketchy" sources like the thesis, which I use a lot: I go ahead and use it and see what I can get away with. If another editor pops up, I try and discuss why it's important that we continue to use it, or I go along with their interpretation of the policy, which is technically correct. I also refer you to Five pillars, which states "Wikipedia has no firm rules." This can be applied to using oral sources, but WP still hasn't figured out how to use claims gained by word of mouth. In the meantime, I think we can use the thesis to backup the claim that Ayanga's mother is deceased, although we'll need to find a source supporting Ayanga's birthplace and birthyear. Christine (Figureskatingfan) (talk) 16:57, 18 June 2024 (UTC)


 * Ref 5: A CV can also be characterized as a sketchy source, but we've used them for other academics if we can't find another source that supports our claims. Is there at least a URL?
 * Watch the overlinking. You only need to link the first time you mention something.
 * Awards and Leadership sections: I think you should combine these sections with the Career sections. As a rule, sections in WP articles shouldn't be too short and should consist of at least two paragraphs. I also think that the content in the Leadership section should go before the content in Awards; when a bio has enough content for a separate awards sections, if goes after discussions about life and career, sometimes towards the end of the bio. In this case, since there's only a paragraph of content about awards, I think that it should be placed within the Career section.
 * Ref 6: The short bio of Ayenda in this source doesn't support any of the claims here. Does anything in the research paper support them? If so, you should refer to the page in the citation. If not, you need to either remove the paragraph or find a source that supports the claims.
 * Ref 7: Similar problem here. The source doesn't state that she's the head of the department or that she was the chairperson at the chaplaincy center. It does state other things, though, which you can, as they say, totally use. You need to paraphrase the information in the source and insert it in the bio.
 * The next sentence in this paragraph needs a source as well.
 * Ref 8: this CV also needs a URL.
 * Ref 2 is used twice, so I combined the ref after the first sentence in the Voice of the Voiceless section with it.
 * Ref 12: Formatted incorrectly. Each field needs to be filled in, please.
 * Voice of the Voiceless section: It looks like what you're trying to do is to summarize Ayanga'a work. I suggest that you look for reviews of her research, articles, and books and incorporate them. Also be careful not to incorporate your own opinions; that crosses the line into original research, for sure. Since the content in this section is more than about her article entitled, "Voice of the Voiceless," I suggest that you rename it, to something like "Research". Finally, make sure that you cite every single claim you make and include page numbers. For example, the last sentence in the second paragraph of this section isn't cited.

Ok, done for now. Hope it helps, please let me know how else I can assist. Christine (Figureskatingfan) (talk) 18:13, 18 June 2024 (UTC)


 * Thank you @Figureskatingfan for your response and review comments. Working on them. Ref. 7 actually refers to her leadership in the chaplaincy center which is mentioned on the website under her name, wondering how best to reference this source. I have moved her role as the chairperson of the department to another paragraph. AboveHeights2022 (talk) 08:16, 24 June 2024 (UTC)