User talk:Abratner/Greater Mekong Subregion

Feedback to the Draft on March-21
Hi Abratner, I think you've already had a great material here. Because you will extend a SUBsection, I think that you don't want to create more subheadings. Also remove bullet points. Turn all of them into paragraphs. Hieup (talk) 13:46, 21 March 2022 (UTC)hieup I'm a bit concerned about the sources. For example, you've used Caroll's article (Pulse of the Forest) several times. This might not help maintain the needed neutrality in your piece. If you place Caroll's article on Google Scholar and check to see who else have cited this source, you will see quite many other sources on deforestation on the GMS. For instance:


 * Gritten, David, Sophie Rose Lewis, Gijs Breukink, Karen Mo, Dang Thi Thu Thuy, and Etienne Delattre. "Assessing forest governance in the countries of the Greater Mekong Subregion." Forests 10, no. 1 (2019): 47.


 * Also check one reading used in our class, esp. pages 135-138: Fitrian Ardiansyah and Desak Putu Adhityani Putri, “Risk, Resilience and Human Security in Cross-Border Areas: The Greater Mekong Subregion, the Heart of Borneo and the Coral Triangle,” Human Security and Climate Change in Southeast Asia: Managing Risk and Resilience: Managing Risk and Resilience, eds. Lorraine Elliott and Mely Caballero-Anthony (Routledge, 2012): 131–50.

Hieup (talk) 13:46, 21 March 2022 (UTC)hieup

Practicing
I plan to expand upon the deforestation section within the article. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Abratner (talk • contribs) 17:54, 21 March 2022 (UTC)

First Draft Feedback
This is a long section. Keep in mind that deforestation in Southeast Asia is a very rich field, and you’re writing about one of the deforestation hotspots in Southeast Asia. Hence, you want to write shorter paragraphs to indicate that your contribution is open for further editings. Another important issue is that you are writing about the Greater Subregion Mekong as a transnational economic zone. It is not a geographical unit that simply consists of a number of countries. Hence, when selecting sources, you want to make sure that the source talks about or from the perspective of the Greater Subregion Mekong other than about one country located in the area concerned by the GMS. Source #2 & #4 might have that problem, but source 3 should be good. The following source can be used to write about mitigation policy (“planted forests” should be a keywork in your paragraph): Golbon, Reza, Marc Cotter, and Joachim Sauerborn. "Climate change impact assessment on the potential rubber cultivating area in the Greater Mekong Subregion." Environmental Research Letters 13, no. 8 (2018): 084002.
 * Van Der Meer Simo, Alexander. "Livelihood impacts of plantation forests on farmers in the Greater Mekong Subregion: A systematic review of plantation forest models." Forests 11, no. 11 (2020): 1162.
 * Gritten, David, Sophie Rose Lewis, Gijs Breukink, Karen Mo, Dang Thi Thu Thuy, and Etienne Delattre. "Assessing forest governance in the countries of the Greater Mekong Subregion." Forests 10, no. 1 (2019): 47.

The following source has some updated statistics about deforestation in GMS: Please reply here Hieup (talk) 13:54, 23 March 2022 (UTC)hieup
 * Bernhard, Katie P., Stefano Zenobi, and Aurélie C. Shapiro. "Understanding and predicting socioeconomic determinants of deforestation in Vietnam’s Central Annamites Landscape (CAL): Pilot study implementing a spatial econometric approach." bioRxiv (2021).


 * Yes Abratner (talk) 18:22, 23 March 2022 (UTC)

First Paragraph
Source 1 is not an academic source – you don’t want to use it more than once in this draft. Reduce the first paragraph in one sentence that directly talks about deforestation. Don’t do direct citations with the source by Lohani et. al. Use your own words. Some of the information you have here should go to the earlier section on “biodiversity” in this Wikipedia article. Remove all subheadings. Please reply here Hieup (talk) 13:56, 23 March 2022 (UTC)hieup


 * yes Abratner (talk) 18:23, 23 March 2022 (UTC)

Second Paragraph
Paragraph 2 is only based on source #3. Create only 1 citation. Since the information here is too general, I would just write the whole paragraph 2 in one sentence and cite the source. Rebuild paragraph 3 (effects) to make it grounded on source #3, with a possibility to only cite source #1 once. I would cite source #1 as follow:
 * The current version: "Without them, an unsustainable cycle continues as the water becomes unhealthy for the fish and for human consumption, as well as making riverbanks more susceptible to the pressures of climate change and flash flooding, and an increase in forest fires.[1]"
 * Editing: "Due to deforestation, the water becomes unhealthy for the fish and for human consumption, while riverbanks become more susceptible to the pressures of climate change and flash flooding.[1]" (Elaborate on the point about forest fires in a new sentence, if necessary.)

Please reply here Hieup (talk) 13:56, 23 March 2022 (UTC)hieup The point about “malaria” is very interesting. This might be the highlight in your project. But I think you will need to 1) make sure that the discussion about Laos directly links to the GMS (which I don’t think it seems to be the case). 2) Write 2-3 more sentences with 2-3 more sources about the impacts of malaria. For instance, check the following sources. Do they talk about deforestation? Even if not, you can write one sentence about the issue of malaria. After that you can keep your sentence about Laos.


 * yes Abratner (talk) 18:23, 23 March 2022 (UTC)

Delacollette, Charles, Carol D'Souza, Eva Christophel, Krongthong Thimasarn, Rashid Abdur, David Bell, Tran Cong Dai et al. "Malaria trends and challenges in the Greater Mekong Subregion." Southeast Asian Journal of Tropical Medicine and Public Health 40, no. 4 (2009): 674. Please reply here Hieup (talk) 13:56, 23 March 2022 (UTC)hieup
 * Cui, Liwang, Guiyun Yan, Jetsumon Sattabongkot, Yaming Cao, Bin Chen, Xiaoguang Chen, Qi Fan et al. "Malaria in the Greater Mekong Subregion: heterogeneity and complexity." Acta tropica 121, no. 3 (2012): 227-239.
 * Lyttleton, Chris. "Deviance and resistance: Malaria elimination in the greater Mekong subregion." Social Science & Medicine150 (2016): 144-152.


 * yes Abratner (talk) 18:23, 23 March 2022 (UTC)

Third Paragraph
The point about Community Protected Areas (CPAs) in Cambodia is great. There are many other better sources to cite for it. For instance: Please reply here Hieup (talk) 13:56, 23 March 2022 (UTC)hieup Let’s not add the table. Remove the following sentences: “Reforestation is another policy taken up by the GMS nations to mitigate the impact of loss of forest density. See table: *Insert table*(cite) To prevent future destruction and call attention to the issues surrounding deforestation and loss of biodiversity in the GMS, many investments have been made from orgs such as the WWF, GEF, REDD+, the Green Climate Fund (GCF).[3]
 * Hing, Sampho, and Rebecca Riggs. "Re-thinking benefits of community protected areas in Mondulkiri, Cambodia." Trees, Forests and People 6 (2021): 100128.
 * Singh, Minerva, Damian Evans, Jean‐Baptiste Chevance, Boun Suy Tan, Nicholas Wiggins, Leaksmy Kong, and Sakada Sakhoeun. "Evaluating the ability of community‐protected forests in Cambodia to prevent deforestation and degradation using temporal remote sensing data." Ecology and Evolution8, no. 20 (2018): 10175-10191.


 * yes Abratner (talk) 18:23, 23 March 2022 (UTC)

Source #3 is not good to use for it’s not an academic study.

Check Gwen’s Wikipedia project and write one sentence about Thailand. Please reply hereHieup (talk) 13:56, 23 March 2022 (UTC)hieup


 * yes Abratner (talk) 18:23, 23 March 2022 (UTC)

Note: Do reply to all of the places where I left my signatures. Looking forward to keep reading your project.

Full Draft Feedback
Congratulations for your complete contribution to Wikipedia. Before you move your article live, please respond to your Peer Review's comments. In addition to some copyediting issues, I find this comment particularly useful. To quote from User:Abratner/Greater Mekong Subregion/Yamcosh Peer Review: "For example, if it is mentioned in the article, instead of stating that the water is unhealthy for the fish and human consumption, say what is happening that may make scholars believe that it is (are there increased levels of a certain contaminant, possibly due to runoff?, what contaminant?, etc.). Similarly, how exactly is the riverbank more susceptible to climate change? Is there a way that you can state a trend from the academic journal about the riverbank that will make readers think, the riverbanks are in trouble. You do this well with Malaria, stating straight facts. If you could also briefly state why/how deforestation affects malaria rates, that would be good because I was also wondering that. Additionally, and least in priority, whenever you mention water or the river, I was wondering whether you were referring to all water in the GMS, the main Mekong River, or something else. Maybe you could specify "the water of rivers, tributaries, and lakes" or "the riverbanks of the Mekong" in the second paragraph." Please reply YES to acknowledge that you've read my message. Thanks! Hieup (talk) 23:38, 5 April 2022 (UTC)hieup


 * YES Abratner (talk) 03:41, 6 April 2022 (UTC)
 * I have moved my article and it is now live! Abratner (talk) 18:18, 6 April 2022 (UTC)