User talk:Ach7yd/sandbox

Robert Hawkins Peer Review

 * Bulleted list item You have greatly changed the wording to be for more readable. The original was very dry and a process to read, your changes have made it much more interesting.


 * Bulleted list item In the first paragraph, second sentence, change “His family had been in what is now the Northeastern United States since the 1600s” to “His family had lived in what is now the Northeastern United States since the 1600s.” The use of the word ‘been’ is a little awkward in this case and ‘lived’ feels more appropriate.

Overall this is a very well organized and interesting article. It was very pleasurable and interesting read.
 * Bulleted list item Perhaps change many of the paragraphs sentence structures since many of them begin with ‘In xxxx, Sperry did such and such.” It’s just very repetitive.