User talk:Adadamo1/sandbox

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Needs proofreading for misspellings and punctuation errors.
 * Commas after introductory phrases or to avoid run on sentences
 * You can omit the ending punctuation of a quote from an article if your sentence continues on afterwards:
 * Ex: "Gender Based Violence (GBV) is the leading cause of death in women aged 19 to 44." [2] Largely attributed to men's attitudes towards women in Nepal.
 * Instead: "Gender Based Violence (GBV) is the leading cause of death in women aged 19 to 44" which is largely attributed to men's attitudes towards women in Nepal.
 * 1) This seems also like a loaded statement. While I would assume that it is mostly or "all" men who are perpetrators of violence against women in Nepal, but I only assume this because the patriarchy can fuel a type of thinking that men hold most or all of the power and can exert that power against women, who in Nepal, are seen as inferior. A statement followed by a reason for that statement would better help readers understand what is being said.
 * 2) I see now that the sentence afterwards addresses the why but I think there could be a better flow to show a clear relation of the two statements.


 * "One-third (35 percent) of women in Nepal experience GBV at home, although most violence is unreported and unrecorded in informal or formal institutions."[3] Many of these cases will go unreported.
 * Also, here, I think the second sentence would benefit from having a reason as to why many cases of violence against women in Nepal go unreported.
 * For example, "In Nepal>comma< there are many legalized patriarchal values under Malikhain (Nepal national code)>period<

For your "individual" section, since the Feminism in Nepal Wiki page doesn't have an individuals section, and you are basically creating that section, I would remember to add the bold heading.

Reference citations are needed after each of the statistics just to show that each statistic has a resource backing it, even if they're all from the same source. I think some information could use a reference citation after the sentence from which you pulled that information from just so Wikipedia critics don't get upset that the info isn't sourced.

Overall, I think the article is great with its structure and the information that composes the article is all good stuff. There is only a few simple mistakes like misspelling or punctuation, and a better flow between some sentences would greatly improve your article and prepare it for the mainspace.

Amandaluh (talk) 13:19, 17 March 2016 (UTC)