User talk:Adamng926/sandbox

Feedback on Article from Melissa Wang
I think the overall article was sufficiently updated and revised by Adam. After reading this article, I was certainly surprised upon how he was able to detect some parts of bias in the original article because when I was reading it through, I honestly didn't really detect it. He did a good job on focusing what parts needed to be fixed in order to have an impartial view of digital citizenship, so that readers like me would not inherently have a sense of persuasion from the article. I agree that the technology would be further expanded into and I appreciate how he was able to acknowledge some of the conflicting viewpoints found in the Talk page. I think Adam did a very good job in incorporating what we had learned in class on top of how digital citizenship could be impacted across the contemporary community. The sources he added on top were also much more recent, and he did a decent job of finding academic journals or books.Melissawwang (talk) 06:56, 16 October 2019 (UTC)

Peer Review by Erika Badalyan 10/15/19
Hi, first of all, congratulations on undertaking such a hefty topic. It is evident that in order to add to this article, it was necessary to sift through a lot of dense information.

A couple of things. I am unsure that in the second sentence it is necessary to bring in the opinion of somebody, in this case Karen Mossberger. The reason I call this person a "somebody" is because you fail to introduce "Karen Mossberger and others". If I do not know who she is, then my fellow Wikipedia users will not know who she is, and will not bother to find their opinion credible since we have no idea how their idea is relevant whatsoever to the topic at hand.

In the second paragraph, there is a phrase "although digital citizenship potentially begins when any child signs up for [etc]....". Have some confidence in what you're claiming! Don't use the word "potentially". Does digital citizen begin when a child signs up for things or not? Support claims made in your article, otherwise remove them because then Wikipedia users will find them to be unfounded.

I found the section "The nine elements of digital citizenship" to be slightly wordy. Also, it was highly conversational. This section especially did not feel encyclopedic. I think you can fix this issue by simplifying your explanations of the nine elements of digital citizenship. in 1, Eliminate phrases like "fundamental". Don't use the same words to describe things. Don't use phrases like "and so forth". Your readers are literally going to have no idea what you mean by "and so forth".

Great sources. I see research paper upon research paper in your References section. Good.

I am looking forward to seeing your progress with this article. It is going to be great. Erikabucb (talk) 08:28, 16 October 2019 (UTC)