User talk:AdrianaN23/sandbox

Liz Dovenberg ENGW 3307 / Professor Musselman Unit 3 Peer Review '''Author: Adriana Nguyen Topic: Online Game'''

Summary: The author discusses online gaming, in which players interact over the computer or social networks and play online games against/with each other. The article then provides brief descriptions of the distribution of gender in online gamers.

Major Points: The description of online games is a bit confusing: do they create a genre? Or are they specialized applications? I would think the former, but the author highlights the latter. Rephrase this is an unambiguous way to help the readers focus on the topic. Another way to do this is maybe comparing online games to other forms of gaming (i.e., single-player games).

The author uses exact words from an outside source in her article – because she did not use quotation marks and did not cite a page number correctly, this is plagiarism (sentence: Nevertheless, the increasing prevalence of high-speed Internet connections, especially in metropolitan areas, has encouraged the development of online games). – Always cite sources, even when paraphrasing.

Consider providing examples of online games (and add links to their Wikipedia pages) to give readers concrete examples of what is described in the article.

Gaming platform and gaming revenue sections are blank – add content here.

Several of the sources used in this article do not seem scholarly.

Minor Points: “Game” in the title (and throughout the article) should be plural, since the author seems to be referring to more than one online game.

There are several subject-verb agreement errors in which the subject is marked incorrectly for singularity or plurality.

The image for distribution of gamers by gender does not appear.

Lliizz123 (talk) 18:36, 4 April 2015 (UTC)

Sarah Jane (SJ) Tsang Min Ching ENGW 3307 - Unit 3 Peer Review

Author: Adriana Nguyen

Subject: Online Game

Summary: The author defines what is meant by online gaming and how it has evolved over the years. The author also discuss the different aspects of online gaming and how popular it is among people from different countries. The article also provides information on the popularity of online gaming between males and females.

Major Points: In the introduction, the author used the exact words taken from one of her sources (i.e "Nevertheless, the increasing prevalence of high-speed Internet connections, especially in metropolitan areas"). This is considered as plagiarism. To remedy that, the author should either paraphrase the sentence then cite it or put quotation marks around the sentence and then cite it. The sentence as it is right now is considered as plagiarism even if the author put a citation at the end of the sentence.

The second sentence of the introduction (i.e "Current machinery for online connections is a set up of modems before the Internet, and hard wired terminals before modems") is confusing. What does the author mean by this sentence? Is she providing the chronological order in which online connections were developed? The author should rephrase this sentence to make it clearer so that the reader could follow the flow of the article more easily.

The figures and table should all have a legend or a description. Just looking at these figures and table right now is confusing because no information are provided. Are the graphs and table presented in the article taken from Wikimedia commons? Or did the author make them herself? Please remember that any tables or graph added should be authorized (either by wikipedia or the author is the owner).

At least three sections of the article are empty so far. (content need to be added)

Minor Points: There are a lot of confusing phrasing throughout the article. For example in the section "Gender split in online game", the sentence "It revealed that although...including PC games." and in the section "Online game governance", the sentence "The consequences of breaking the...depending on the offense." are both confusing. To remedy that, the author should just rephrase the sentences in a clearer way. For example, the first sentence could be rewritten as "Even though the worldwide number of online gamers consist of more males than females (52% to 48%), it was recently revealed that women accounted for more than half the proportion of online gamers in certain games, including PC games."

In the section "Online gamers in number", the first sentence is missing a "to" and "change" should be plural (i.e "which has led [to] enormous change[s]).

MauriGirl14 (talk) 19:21, 6 April 2015 (UTC)

'''April 18, 2015

To my peer reviews and editors,'''

I want to express a grateful thank for all the precious help and suggestion that made this wiki article exist.

I accidentally found this article accidentally while searching for information supporting my Literature review. It took me by surprise that such a common topic like Online Game is not well developed and left untouched for a long time. I tried to leave message on the talk page of the article, but received no response.

Every comments on my sandbox talk page is appreciated, though I think my peers have missed my memo that I did not intend to work on the Genres section.

Firstly, to Dovenberg, I think the title should be kept as single noun (as observed to be similar to other wiki article). I do agree that the phrase "a specialized application rather than a genre" is confusing; however, it is from the original article, and I did not want to remove it. I and Cecelia later decided to get rid of the later part because it seems to be unnecessary. I do add wiki hyperlink to any terms or words that might need definition. Also, the exact quote was a mistake, I did not know it was from outside source rather than in wiki article. Yet I have paraphrase and fix the citation. As I said, it was a surprise that this common topic does not have many resources that is considered scholarly..

Secondly, to Tsang Min Ching, the phrase "Current machinery for online connections is a set up of modems before the Internet, and hard wired terminals before modems" was from original article and it confused me as well. I did not know how to fix it, but later decided to remove. I also replaced the graph with words so that it does not violate Wiki terms. I also rewrite all the sentences to a more simple structure to prevent confusion.

Thirdly, to Professor Musselman, I have followed your example of how to write for wikipedia. I rewrite most of the content with simple structure.

Last but not least, I want to thank Bryan Tran and Kisho Spruill for the last-minute proofread and 'subjected to change' revision.

'''Best regard, AdrianaN23 (talk) 23:31, 18 April 2015 (UTC)