User talk:Aeneas441/sandbox

I believe this is a really well written article. It was informative and contained many citations which shows that the topic has been extensively researched and there is a great understanding of the case.

I would just add titles and structure it more formally and make sure that all information is in an unbiased,encyclopedic style.--Nicoleobrien6 (talk) 09:56, 7 January 2020 (UTC)

Hello, Action Aid in April 2019, 20.5% --> Could you find the link for this? and 51% still remain unemployed due to physical injuries. --> Can you find the reference for this? Your transition between paragraphs needs to be improved, find a sentence that connects to the main idea of the paragraph you are connecting to After a quote, you have to put the reference In general, the article needs to have a more informative character concentrating on maybe one or two key ideas that you find interesting and would like to know more about. You need to be able to connect the ideas between paragraphs better and smoother and that is achieved if you concentrate on not so many points, instead, look at less but go deeper. It reads like a list of loose points, I think if you connect them it is much better.

This quote for example, “I have learned many things from this program. Earlier the idea to save for the future had never occurred to me. Now, my husband and I plan ahead for all our expected expenses, and this way we know how much we need to reserve so as not to fall short.” is not connected to the last paragraph. That is important when writing. So try to improve that. Try to avoid expression like: 'a very hot topic in these times' use a more neutral vocabulary. It is a highly relevant topic, could be an alternative.

This paragraph, for example, needs improvement: The stainability of the fashion industry is a very hot topic in these times, since consumers have realised about the fast fashion industry, we have been a bit more conscious about the environment(what do you mean by a bit more, you need to be more precise and use a more formal language) and also about the where and how are our clothes are made. Consumers are now more in tune with how sustainable we are being with our clothes, "The most environmentally sustainable jacket is the one that’s already in your closet…” And how does the quote connect to the main idea of the paragraph?

In the #whomademyclothes text, why don't you start explaining what it is, for example, hashtags are used in social media to blah blah this hashtag has its origin in blah blah. Please add reference. When you say that the # has hit the younger generation, from where do you know that? People could argue that the more mature adults follow it as well, or any other thing. That is why references are so important. Hope that helps.

Well done Collette, your effort is evident and I am so glad you are engaged and learning so much about fashion but also about writing, editing, and moreover, being resilient!! --CKuhnH (talk) 22:56, 8 January 2020 (UTC)