User talk:Afackrell/sandbox2

5/15/2019 Evaluation by Gabbym9903
Gabbym9903 (talk) 19:38, 15 May 2019 (UTC)

Spelling/Grammar
Exceeds standard.
 * I did not identify any spelling or grammar mistakes.

Language
Nearly meets standard.
 * Avoid using expressions such as "the majority" and "large portion" and try to be more specific.

Organization
Meets standard.
 * The paragraphs are good in length, well-organized, and easy to follow.

Coding
Meets standard.
 * The coding looks correct and there don't seem to be any mistakes.

Validity
Meets standard.
 * The information presented in the edit is well-referenced and the sources used look reliable.

Completion
Meets standard.
 * The edit meets the requirement of containing 2 paragraphs' worth of information.

Relevance
Meets standard.
 * The information you have mentioned is relevant to the topic of the edit and adheres to the requirements.

5/17/2019 Evaluation by Paig5
Paig5 (talk) 14:43, 17 May 2019 (UTC)

Spelling/Grammar
Meets Standard

Language
Meets standard

Organization
Meets Standard

Coding
Meets standard.
 * The coding looks correct and there don't seem to be any mistakes.

Validity
Meets standard.
 * The information presented in the edit is well-referenced and the sources used look reliable.

Completion
Meets standard.
 * The edit meets the requirement of containing 2 paragraphs' worth of information.

Relevance
Meets standard.
 * The information you have mentioned is relevant to the topic of the edit and adheres to the requirements.

6/6/2019 Evaluation by DrMichaelWright
DrMichaelWright (talk) 20:26, 6 June 2019 (UTC)

This is certainly a good starting point for adding a demographics section to the Lyon article. I do, however, have some suggestions for you, below.
 * Points: 35/40
 * Grade: 87.75%

Spelling/Grammar
Nearly meets standard.
 * "...majority of immigrants moving to Lyon..." and "...that comes from Portugal..." You are looking at a stock of population, not an annual flow. Those people from Algeria have mostly been in Lyon for years if not decades. As such, don't use the present continuous, but a perfect present or past tense: "...majority of immigrants having moved from Algeria..."/"...that came from Portugal..."
 * "...ranging from Buddhism, Muslim, Jewish, and Protestant." Buddhism is a noun, the others are adjectives. "Buddhism, Islam, Judaism, and Protestantism." is better. Alternatively add the, and make them all adjectives applied to 'places of worship', changing 'Buddhism' to 'Buddhist'.
 * "Algerian War" singular (and hyperlinked).
 * "...the cities urban..." city's. Possessive, not plural.
 * "...of the cities urban pricing on social and spatial inequalities..." I'm not sure what this means. It needs rephrasing somehow.

Language
Nearly meets standard.
 * "...were born outside Metropolitan France" To me the term 'metropolitan' means urban area. The source you link to calculates immigrants. It also does so citing a whole number of about 10,000 more people than your previous source offered.
 * It would be good to clarify INSEE, such as: "According to the 2015 census carried out by the French statistics agency INSEE,..."
 * "..."Algeria, North Africa..." In the United States, we are used to putting a city a comma and then a state. That just feels awkward when applied to countries and continents - as if they're the equivalent of American cities and states. It'd be better to just write Algeria or Algeria in North Africa if you think your readers are not going to know where Algeria is.
 * "...a large number in the Arab community have..." Given that the global Arab community is much larger than Algeria, I would rephrase this. It's also awkward being put right after the section on religion, given how many people confuse the term 'Arab' with 'Muslim'.
 * "...riots throughout the city..." is 'throughout' really the word you're looking for?
 * "...showing social inequality indicators..." 'showing indicators does not mean much in itself. Can you state what some of the indicators show to show how much inequality they indicate?

Organization
Meets standard.

Coding
Meets standard.
 * INSEE should be hyperlinked, as well as a large number of other significant words in the text - provided that they are not already hyperlinked previously in the Lyon article.

Validity
Meets standard.
 * "When viewing the population as a whole, world averages can be viewed in the male and female ratio as well as the distribution between age groups[4]." I am not sure that is true, since your source does not provide world averages.

Completion
Meets standard.

Relevance
Meets standard.