User talk:Ags5930/sandbox

Potential articles to contribute mating/reproductive information: humpback whales, brown rat, golden hamster, Spartina alterniflora

Response to peer reviews: thank you for the feedback, it was extremely helpful!! I moved the paragraphs around to focus on females first and then males, and added better transitions so that it flows better, especially for the section on social stress. I also added some descriptions of some of the concepts that would probably not be known to the average person to try to make the section easier to understand. Ags5930 (talk) 04:13, 24 March 2017 (UTC)

Response from Will
Global edits: I just learned more than I wanted to about rat sex (haha)! There are some really interesting concepts presented but I feel a little more explanation would be beneficial. The sentence “When they complete multiple ejaculatory series, the proportion of females who become pregnant increases, and the number of stillborns in that litter decreases” doesn’t make a lot of sense. I did not know what an ejaculatory series was prior to this and I had to read it a couple times to understand you meant mating with multiple females (right?). Additionally, the social stress section is really cool but didn't seemed linked very well. A little more of a lead into that information would make it less abrupt.

Local edits: You should reword the Coolidge effect sentence to make it more obvious that the following sentence is defining that phenomenon. That way the concept you are presenting is a little clearer and more impactful for the reader. Also make sure to place the references in the text! — Preceding unsigned comment added by Wshoenberger (talk • contribs) 22:37, 17 March 2017 (UTC)

Peer Edit from Jennie Global edits: I would add more information in the leading paragraph to introduce the brown rat more. Possibly add the scientific name and where the brown rat lives and social interactions. I would edit your heading of "mating" to possibly "male and female mating systems and mechanism" in order to give a more general idea of what that section will be talking about. Also for organizing that article, I would maybe group together the male behaviors as one section and the female behaviors as another section in order to the reader to understand the flow of the brown rate mating process better Local Edits: I see the citations below but you need to cite the direct sentence from the source you got the information from. That way readers can reference another source from your information on the article. Jenniehorstmann (talk) 21:10, 20 March 2017 (UTC)Jennie Horseman

Peer edit from Rachel
Global edit I thought the article had a lot of good information, but I think some headers in your article would be helpful for the different sexes (i.e a subheader for female and a subheader for male) that way it is broken up into smaller to read and digest segments. In addition, I think that your sentence "This social stress leaves a lasting mark on the male that can be sensed by female rats, and which influences the female's sexual behavior[6]" needs more explanation. What is an example of this lasting affect? Is it behavioral? Is it physical? A little explanation would be good here. Local edit This sentence is quite long, with a lot of different "steps" I guess I would call them: They may perform a series of ejaculations during matings, which means that they mate with multiple females in a row, and when they copulate in this way the proportion of females who become pregnant from their mating increases, and the number of stillborns in litters produced from that type of mating decreases[3]. If you could break this down or possibly reword it I think it would get your point across better, this seems like a key point of the article! Beesbewithyou (talk) 19:56, 27 March 2017 (UTC)

Peer Edit from Alyssa
You have added a lot of really interesting information to the article! The biggest suggestion I’d make would be to possibly rearrange the info a bit such that you first discuss mating patterns (e.g. how females take turns mating), then male ejaculatory behaviors, and then factors that affect mating success. I think this will help the information flow better.

Your writing is easy to understand and digest, but I might suggest that you summarize the info you have in the paragraph about social stress in males to be a bit more concise (although perhaps explain how the females can sense a history of social stress in males?).

You’ve chosen a very interesting topic and have incorporated many concepts from class. I really enjoyed reading your draft! — Preceding unsigned comment added by Akl95 (talk • contribs) 02:47, 30 March 2017 (UTC)

Draft 3: According to feedback I have rearranged the sections so that it flows more logically from mate choice to ejaculation and copulation. I also broke up some of the longer sentences and condensed & clarified the paragraph about social stress. In addition I added links to other articles, and linked articles to the Brown Rat wikipedia page. Ags5930 (talk) 18:54, 4 April 2017 (UTC)