User talk:Akenefick/sandbox

Bonjour,

Your topic is very interesting and I hadn't heard of fish wheels before so this was neat to read. A few suggestions on how to improve your page:

- Your writing-voice is unbiased which is great, but I think it could be beneficial to have a little less flair to the writing. In contrast to other wikipedia articles, I feel like yours could be more concise and use fewer 'starting phrases' at the beginning of sentences (ie. with this in mind, however, additionally, interestingly, ultimately etc.) - I feel like this would make the voice of your paper more consistent with the 'voice' of other wikipedia articles

- In the third paragraph of section one there is a sentence "Salmon has been a culturally embedded food/species for First Nation peoples for many reasons" - it would be informative to list a few of those uses, doing this would also add an opportunity for more links to other wiki pages

- The photos chosen are great, but it would be visually cleaner to have less text below them. Context is definitely needed for images, but maybe try to trim down the content

- A suggestion for the title of section two: "Current Uses" instead of "Uses Today"

- For a consistent timeline in your ordering of sections, I think it would be logical to have the section on history before the section on current uses

- Does the final paragraph on the Yukon history of the fish wheel have total relevance to the topic? The rest of your article focuses mostly on the impact of fisheries so it feels slightly out of place

Some of my suggestions are more of a 'personal preference' but I hope you find this useful!

Dewmurphy (talk) 16:05, 17 February 2018 (UTC) Adrienne