User talk:Akl95/sandbox

Response from Will
Global edits: This is a really interesting topic! I really like that you are exploring a system that uses many of the techniques outlined in our class. The overall information is great and explanative but I think the order of information is a little confusing. I would group all the mating ritual information together and then go into fecundity and brood rate to allow the wording to flow better. Specifically, placing the last paragraph under the third paragraph. And I would go further and add the second to last paragraph under that paragraph. I think the flow from mating ritual, to mating preference, to MS and RS type information could read well.

Local edits: I think an additional citation is needed for this statement: “Parasite load is negatively correlated with female fecundity.”

Response to Will's Peer Review
Hi Will! I definitely agree that my draft needed some reordering to improve clarity, so I addressed this in my second draft by following your advice and moving from mating ritual, to mating preferences, to MS and RS information. I also noticed that a few claims were not cited, and I fixed this as well. Thank you for your comments on my article. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Akl95 (talk • contribs) 04:08, 24 March 2017 (UTC)

Peer review by Rachel
Global edit: I thought your article had a ton of great information in it regarding their mating systems, good job! I think that headers over each of the different "topics" might be helpful. I assumed that each new paragraph what a new thought, but to be safe, I think a descriptive topic might help the reader navigate through the material with more ease. Local edit: I think the information is well thought out, but I would consider adding an example of how the males visually see the parasitized females (because to me, when I think of parasite, i think of internally). Great article all around though!

Beesbewithyou (talk) 21:40, 27 March 2017 (UTC) — Preceding unsigned comment added by Beesbewithyou (talk • contribs) 21:36, 27 March 2017 (UTC)

Response to peer reviews (2nd time)
For the third draft, according to peer and professor reviews, I rearranged the body of information and also added headers to separate the topics. I added more information about sex role reversal and condensed and removed some information. I edited some sentence structure and word choice. I also linked to 3 other Wikipedia articles. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Akl95 (talk • contribs) 00:52, 5 April 2017 (UTC)