User talk:Aliciageng1/sandbox

Hi Alicia, Great job on article selection and evaluation. You are on the right track. Can you say more about what you would like to contribute to the sector article you chose? Also, hooray for RT! I worked not exactly for them, but in a close capacity. -Momo Sumomox4nouchi (talk) 00:05, 8 February 2019 (UTC)sumomox4nouchi

Abe's Peer Review
Hey Alicia,

It’s clear you’ve put a lot of thought and consideration into your drafting. I admire the way you are able to empathetically highlight the different facets of the immigration experience, for instance by showcasing the difficulties that immigrant students may face in US schools not set up to meet their needs.

'''Immigration to the US - 4.3 Social Effects of Immigration '''

This is a really informative piece that might be out of place at the start of Section 4.3. It looks like you are considering relocating it elsewhere. The first paragraph might be a better fit in 4.3.2 Assimilation.

In terms of content, your first paragraph has a lot of good info and is written in an encyclopedic tone. Aside from inserting more citations, the main thing that you may want to think about changing is the sentence:

“Immigrant children of low socioeconomic status may struggle with forces of assimilation that are derived from the underprivileged segments of the ethnic hierarchy of social inequality in the United States.”

As it stands, it’s a little unclear in this sentence whether you’re saying that the immigrant children are confronted with “forces” as in antagonistic Americans from the poorer classes, or the situation the children are forced into, being more or less on the bottom rungs of the American socio-economic ladder.

Your concluding sentence is really compelling, and I think a super quick example of what kinds of behavior promote resilience would help satisfy the reader’s curiosity. For example, “...may propagate behaviours [such as social cohesion] that help them build resilience…” or whatever your scholarly sources say on the matter.

The paragraph on Mexican immigration raises important points about that group’s sort of diasporic experience, if that’s the right term to use. [Side note: I believe in the early 1900s Mexican laborers were allowed into the US with short term conditional work visas for employment in agriculture under what was called the Bracero Program. So they were welcomed in to the US at least at one point in time. *It’s linked on the page already.]

Anyway, I feel that the first sentence, while relevant to the rest of your argument in the paragraph, is better left out or substantially revised. It’s one of those things that may be true, but could still be taken as highly controversial by some people, even if you have a citation, because they may feel it reflects on aptitude rather than just underfunded, inadequate school systems. I will defer to what Clare and the other peer reviewer have to say, but overall this paragraph could be seen in a negative light by some people unless other immigrant nationalities are also included. It could come across as singling Mexicanos out unfairly.

Immigration to the US - 4.3.1.3 Education

This is a thought provoking topic; I had never stopped to think about how as a youth, one’s cultural background could clash with a host culture and affect the formation of identity in the new geographic context. If I understand correctly, this new sub-section is being added under “Discrimination” and not the other Education sub-section because American judgements about the way immigrant students should act, dress, etc. can be seen as discriminatory? It so, that might be a controversial, non-neutral claim, because that behavior may or may not actually be discriminatory or racist, just uninformed or reactionary about the unfamiliar “other.” These are subtle distinctions though. Do you have some sources to help back these sentences up?

'''Immigration to the US - 5.2.1 Immigrant Education '''

Reading these two paragraphs, I feel like I learned a lot about the problems immigrants experience due to shortcomings in the US education system. You have balanced identification of the problems with why those are important, and included best practices solutions, creating a balanced tone. I would add citations where you have them, to make it clear if different authors are proposing those solutions as part of a dialectic on the topic. Finally, if all of these points refer to public education versus charter or private schools, I would spell that out explicitly in the first paragraph so readers can follow your argument better.

Third Country Resettlement - 2.1 Biases in the selection process

The content you write about here is very poignant and relevant. Readers may have a little trouble though because it’s not immediately apparent from the research you quote if the emotional difficulty the foster children felt was because of the stressful experience itself? Or because the people interviewing and processing them were biased and singled them out for abuse or more questioning than other children? A few words of clarification from the source material might be helpful here. Also, it may affect whether this important observation belongs here or in the parent topic, “Selection Process.”

Third Country Resettlement - 5.2 United States

This is a fantastic sub-section. Good job! It’s clear, well-written, full of details, neutral in tone, and uses citations. The only thing that needs attention is that your reference 10 and 11 appear to be duplicates.

While you’re in your references section, your first reference, “Supporting Refugee Students,” is apparently a journal article. Since Clare wants us to be using scholarly sources as much as possible, you might re-do this reference to match the citation style of reference two in order to lend more credibility to your citation section.

In total, you’ve written way more than I have in your article drafts. If you can just throw in your citations where appropriate and maybe make those few tweaks here and there, I’m sure you’ll be well on your way to a good grade on this assignment.

Cheers,

Abe Particular.Individual (talk) 05:07, 4 April 2019 (UTC)

Responding to Peer Review

Abe

I am not exactly putting it under this section because I am proposing to create a whole new section. I do think that it may fit under Assimilation better.

In my sentence I was using the term 'forces' as a very general term, as 'forces' may includes both antagonistic Americans from lower socioeconomic sources and also the situation that many of these immigrant children are forced into.

I will definitely look into examples that promote resilience, but I am not sure if the example would throw the reader off if I list one and not others because there are so many out there. But I guess I can change the wording to 'such as, but not limited to'. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Aliciageng1 (talk • contribs) 03:20, 17 April 2019 (UTC)

Maggie's Peer Review
Hi Alicia, your PE org sounds like it does some really great work locally. I'm not personally very familiar with the current discourse on refugees and immigration, so it's been interesting reading through your Sandbox. I think overall your drafting is a strong start and most of your additions sound encyclopedic. My main critique would be that some sentences get very wordy so figuring out a way to condense your information could help clarify the points you're trying to make and help your arguments remain more neutral.

Immigration to the US: 4.3 Social
 * I’m a bit confused by where you want to put these two paragraphs into the Wikipedia article. I think your first paragraph would work well under the Assimilation sub-section of 4.3 and your second paragraph could work under the education sub-section. I see that you’re thinking about moving them possibly to section 5 under Public Opinion, but I think staying in 4.3 might make more sense because each of your paragraph’s is very specific. Another possibility is to reiterate part of your second paragraph in section 5, especially the middle two sentences: “[Mexican] immigrants also experience a lot of negative reception by the host society and government. The presence of poor and poorly education Mexicans reinforces strong stereotypes in the society, heightening the negative reception.”
 * I think the information you are trying to convey with your first paragraph about assimilation is really good, but you may want to be careful maintaining a neutral position, especially in your last sentence where you state “…negative forces of assimilation”. I think people still have differing opinions on whether assimilation is a positive or negative process, so removing “negative” from your phrasing would allow you to be more neutral, but otherwise the point is really strong. I also would reword the sentence starting “These forces of assimilation may come from…” as the phrasing is confusing and generalizing that underprivileged neighborhoods are “full of crime and violence” could come across to readers poorly.
 * I would agree with Abe that the first sentence of your second paragraph may be seen as controversial. However, I think a possible way to keep it within your writing would be to add some sort of statistic that backs up the claim. For example, maybe you can find a statistic citing high-school graduation rates across all immigrant ethnicities, similar to the statistic you provide in your last sentence? Or you could instead merge your first and last sentences together.

4.3.1.13 Education (Under Discrimination) 5.2.1 Immigrant Education
 * Grammar suggestion for your first sentence: change to “…it is important for immigrant adolescents to feel valued and accepted in their new communities”.
 * In your second sentence when you talk about “normative adolescent behavior”, I would give some examples of what that means in order to help clarify the paragraph.
 * In your fourth sentence, instead of saying “Teachers and administrators are also not aware…”, use “…are also not fully aware”. Otherwise, the sentence comes across with a higher negative connotation that makes the staff seem fully ignorant, which doesn’t support the second clause of the sentence.
 * I like the suggested solution in your last sentence of this paragraph! I had never thought of the information being shared in the opposite way from expected (although this of course happens naturally, having structured days like this sounds like a great idea). I would have expected most solutions to target increased administrative training by the schools/communities rather than by the students themselves.
 * The issue of ESL is an amazing point to make. I’m not sure how much this relates to your own research, but one thing I’ve experienced and that may be interesting to look into is that public schools often receive increased government or state funding per student in an ESL program. Does this increased funding get used in a way that can help mitigate some of the challenges you are discussing?
 * The sentence “There are characteristics of secondary schools outlined that hinder the success of immigrant students” seems unnecessary. I think you should merge this directly with your next sentence to avoid being too wordy. For example, “Characteristics of secondary schools that hinder the success of immigrant students include fragmented school days and ESL programs…”
 * Your second paragraph looks really good. My only critique would be to try and make your second and third sentences more succinct if possible.

Third Country Resettlement: 2.1 Biases in the Selection Process
 * I think your draft sentences here are very encyclopedic! However, I don’t think it should fall under the “Biases in the Selection Process” sub-section. Instead, if you find enough additional research, I think you could try to start a new sub-section under section 2 entirely about the emotional difficulties/emotional toll that the selection process has on refugees.

5.2 United States
 * In your second sentence, be careful with using pronouns. Instead, you can reword as “In a recent exploratory study of approaches used in ORR Programs, a number of key factors were found to contribute to successful employment…”
 * I also would suggest not using “etc.” in your last sentence.
 * Based on the current article’s paragraphs of VOLAGS in this section (especially the last paragraph), you may need to do some transition writing between your paragraphs of ORR programs and the VOLAG paragraphs or slightly edit the current paragraphs to explain why ORR programs are in place as well as VOLAG programs. I’m not sure where you intended to place your information, but I would guess that they be inserted as the third paragraph of the section.
 * Good update to the refugee limit. I can’t believe that the number dropped by a full 15,000! That’s pretty disappointing.

Good luck moving forward! Mag2718 (talk) 08:07, 4 April 2019 (UTC)

Response to Peer Review

I think I will put this section under Assimilation as both you and Abe have talked about this point and looking back at the section, I think it may belong under assimilation most appropriately.

I think it is generally known that underprivileged neighbourhoods are often full of crime and violence, but to make the language more neutral, I might change it to 'higher rates of crime and violence'.

You're right about the 'not fully aware' and other suggestions to reword, thank you for giving me such specific points! — Preceding unsigned comment added by Aliciageng1 (talk • contribs) 03:25, 17 April 2019 (UTC)