User talk:Alinde123/sandbox

Instructor Feedback (First Draft)
You're definitely on the right track, although I know you will be adding some information before you start revising.

Lead
I know this isn't your prose, but there's still room for improvement:


 * Avoid repetition of key words in close succession, e.g. "more commonly known" and "most well known." Also, "most well" should be "best."
 * Delete "the practice of" - always be as direct as possible in your writing

Biography

 * Is the only evidence we have for Grocheio's biography information in his treatise? If so, you should make that explicit.
 * "in the Darmstadt manuscript (SEE BELOW)"

Manuscript locations

 * The manuscript SURVIVES in two"
 * I suggest you integrate this section with the MS section below
 * "credits" not "accredits"

Topics

 * Avoid formulations such as "seem to". Either they do or they don't. More generally, avoid referencing "scholars" in your prose. The focus should be on Grocheio, to the scholars. Let your footnotes show the reader where you are getting your information.

Musica vulgaris

 * This is really great information - a major improvement on the current article - but I wonder if you could clarify the layout of this material by using bullet points or a lower level of subheading. Specifically, it's not clear that the second and third paragraphs are actually subsidiaries of the first one.


 * "Grocheio also discusses the use of instruments ..." This feels like an afterthought to the preceding paragraphs. Consider expanding it or incorporating it into the first paragraph.

Comments on Writing
Bdbrand77 (talk) 21:57, 1 December 2020 (UTC)
 * Avoid repeating key words in close succession, e.g. "there is no evidence that he received a degree. Despite the lack of such evidence"
 * Write out #'s < 100
 * In general, maintain the same verb tense unless there is a clear reason for changing it. For instance, in "Musical vulgaris" you shift back and forth between present and past tense.
 * All latin terms (e.g. "cantilena rotunda") should be italicized. Bdbrand77 (talk) 22:57, 1 December 2020 (UTC)

Instructor Feedback
You've outlined some important aspects of the Are musicae and I will be interested to see how you treat them. I think the idea that Johannes rejected Boethius is particularly important given that medieval theorists typically paid Boethius lip service even if they weren't engaging with his theories in any deep way. Here's a couple of suggestions for your start on Johanne's biography:


 * Be sure to define what the Darmstadt manuscript is and why it is important the first time you mention it in the revised article.
 * Could you be a little more specific about the connection between the plainsong and St. Denis?
 * Translate "regens Parisius" for your readers, and explain what that term might indicate about Johannes's biography.

Finally, here's a question: is he typically referred to "Johannes" or "Grocheio" in the secondary literature? Bdbrand77 (talk) 23:50, 14 November 2020 (UTC)