User talk:Alli.Cucalon

Welcome!
Hello, Alli.Cucalon, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Ian and I work with the Wiki Education Foundation; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.

I hope you enjoy editing here. If you haven't already done so, please check out the student training library, which introduces you to editing and Wikipedia's core principles. You may also want to check out the Teahouse, a community of Wikipedia editors dedicated to helping new users. Below are some resources to help you get started editing. If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Ian (Wiki Ed) (talk) 19:09, 1 June 2016 (UTC)

Feedback request
Hi Alli.Cucalon. I got your message. How can I help you? Ian (Wiki Ed) (talk) 16:53, 15 June 2016 (UTC)

Hi Ian, our professor just wanted us to get some feedback on the article that I have in my sandbox, so check if we were headed in the right direction/if you have any suggestions. Thanks Alli.Cucalon (talk) 21:13, 17 June 2016 (UTC)

Mouse models
Nice work on your article draft. It looks good, but there are a few things that still could use some work. For starters, the lead section should be less of an introduction and more of a summary of the entire article. I split your initial paragraph, spinning off the background/history (you can change the name I used to whatever seems best in your mind). Now all you need to do is develop the first part into a summary of the main points of the article. You should also add a supporting source for the last sentence in the "background" section.

The "findings" section also doesn't belong here. Wikipedia articles don't include "conclusions"-type sections. However, the information in there should be addd to the lead (but it should be written in sentence/paragraph form).

Overall, nice work. Ian (Wiki Ed) (talk) 14:42, 21 June 2016 (UTC)