User talk:Altosaxma'am77/Deforestation in Thailand

Regarding Sandbox Edits
I will be adding to the 3rd and 4th paragraphs of the lead section in order to build context, offer proper citations, and add some specifics. Additionally, I will be adding an additional subheading and a subsequent paragraph to the "Causes of Deforestation" section that will focus on climate change. Finally, I will be adding some specifics of programs and short-term outcomes of government-sponsored reforestation programs, likely adding a paragraph or two while supplementing what is already there.

Altosaxma&#39;am77 (talk) 17:52, 21 March 2022 (UTC)Altosaxma'am77

First draft Feedback
All looks so great. I'm very happy to read your project. Here are some of my suggestions:

Section “Climate change”:

 * The second sentence associated with source #9 would be better with a reference to some statistics. Source #9 refers to many countries. I would go to the section about Thailand in that article and see what they cite, then I would cite sources directly discussing about deforestation & climate change in Thailand. (DONE)
 * Source #9 talks about reforestation – try to incorporate this point into your paragraph. E.g.: reforestation in SEA and Thailand occurs as a result of an increased awareness about climate change impacts. (DONE)
 * Source #10 is quite good as it was done by Thai scholars, meaning that they should have the best data. You can provide statistics from this source in your paragraph (the statistics appears right in the abstract).
 * Source #6 is an important one; there’s a section on deforestation. You cite it in the lead section, and you can recite it somewhere in the paragraph on climate change. (YES)
 * Source #11 seems to refer to northern Thailand, but your sentence mentions the western part of Thailand. You want to clarify this point. (DONE)

Section “Amelioration”
This section is excellent. I think we’re good with it for now. [ :) ]

Lead Section:

 * Is “Thai Forest Department” you mentioned here the Royal Forest Department (RFD)? If so, use the official name. (DONE) The sentence associated with source #6 in the Lead section might need something to balance its tone. Add something about what the RFD tries to do, yet who refers to it as “Forest Death” (activists? Academics?). (DONE)
 * When you expand the point about reforestation, you mention “Thai gov’t.” Is this agent also the same as the RFD? You want to clarify this point a bit more. (Done)
 * I would consider adding one sentence on ecology monks because of their promotion of reforestation as well. Look for our class on 1/24 in our course schedule. (DONE)

Other notes
Add Wikipedia hyperlinks such as Royal Forest Department Typo: “it's general promotion” => “its general promotion” Hieup (talk) 12:40, 23 March 2022 (UTC)hieup

Full draft Feedback
Congratulations on your great contribution to our Wikipedia project! Prior to our Wednesday class on April 6th, please complete the following tasks: Please reply Yes to acknowledge that you read my message. Thank you! Hieup (talk) 04:03, 4 April 2022 (UTC)hieup
 * Please add the specific page number that refers to the contents in your first sentence of paragraph 4 - Lead section. This is because this source is not only about Thailand but also other Southeast Asian countries. In your source, if there's information about a specific date range that the Royal Forest Department began to call for forest reforestation, please add this information to your sentence. DONE
 * Correct the typo on the second sentence of paragraph 4 - Lead section: "who's traditional means" => "whose traditional means" DONE
 * Add one more source referring to Darlington's work to the last sentence of paragraph 4 - Lead section. Here is the source: Darlington, Susan M. The ordination of a tree: The Thai Buddhist environmental movement. Suny Press, 2012. DONE
 * Revise the 3rd sentence of section on Climate change: "have attempted reforestation efforts to try to address" => "have attempted reforestation efforts to address" DONE
 * Consider to expand the last sentence of section on Climate change: "As reforestation efforts have continued on behalf of the state," => I feel that you're implying that there's a further need for community-based reforestation efforts rather than the Thai state's nation-level policies. If it is what you mean, write one more sentence to clarify on this point.
 * The last three sentences of the section on Amelioration are great. Love them. Do you consider to change the subtitle of "Amelioration" to something more specific? DONE
 * Please leave a note to your peer-reviewer in the Talk page of User:Altosaxma'am77/Deforestation in Thailand/Sophbonn Peer Review. DONE! Sorry about missing that part of it. I thought speaking to her counted for that communication.

YES, I have seen this, and I've instituted the changes requested! Altosaxma&#39;am77 (talk) 17:34, 4 April 2022 (UTC)