User talk:AlyaDuusu/sandbox

Make sure to format your bibliography so that it includes the author, title, and date of the articles included. Review Wikipedia's guidelines on citations, WP:CS. Expand your bibliography to include additional articles and books. Read your sources as you find them to find new information about your subject and new terms to search.AmyDeer (talk) 11:38, 28 February 2018 (UTC)

- Be careful with some of your phrasing -- avoid copying and pasting from other articles -- for example: "took Owens under his wing..." - Check your facts (Owens was not Markopoulos's lover). - Be careful with personal information some might consider salacious -- this includes conjecture about cause of death, notes about drug addiction, and personal relationships. Only include if it relates to Owens notability or significance. - Make sure to read and include information from J. Hoberman's article in ArtForum. This is in our class readings. - Make sure to identify and point out what makes Edward Owens significant and notable in your lead.AmyDeer (talk) 03:46, 7 March 2018 (UTC)

Review by Jillian
In the lead, I think you put too much info in the first sentence of your lead. You can leave it at the most important facts: "Edward Owens was an experimental filmmaker active in New York City and Chicago in the 1960s." Then in the next sentence, say something like "His films dealt with subject matters such as..." Or something like, "notable for a mature sense of style from a young age..." You should poke around at other articles about African-American filmmakers. For reference, I looked up Spike Lee.

To use the possessive of Owens type: Owens' not Owen's

You have to be more careful about plagiarism. You will have to rewrite in your own words many of the points in the article.

I don't know whether or not his mental health issues and suicide attempt are relevant to his death. That does seem more relevant to ending his filmmaking career. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Sickcakez (talk • contribs) 16:57, 3 March 2018 (UTC)

Peer Review - Baiqi
Dear AlyaDuusu,

1. I think that the first sentence is too long. And you did not provide more information about the film that made him famous.

2. You have a lot of quotations, which need you to be careful of plagiarism. It would be better to write them in your own words.

3. It seems that it would be better to create a table or a list of his films.

4. Is the Bibliography section necessary?

Thanks! — Preceding unsigned comment added by Bqi77 (talk • contribs) 02:49, 6 March 2018 (UTC)

Evan's Review
lead: probably could be bulked up a bit more rather than just "Edward Owens was born, etc. etc., his most famous work..." in addition to that, could use more citations to say where you got that information (Queer, chicagoan, etc.) "most known for..." is probably too vague for wiki standards/need to back that up

early life: did he go to SAIC, or the "Art Institutes" (minor detail but should be specific) long sentence, could be broken up when you're talking about his involvement with Markopoulous

careers: Markopoulous typo, needs consistency throughout A lot of this is coming from one source, is there any way you can back it up/was it mentioned in other sources? "Owens'" vs. "Owen's"? not sure but should check on apostrophe use throughout do you have dates for "Tomorrow's Promise" and "Twice a Man"? would be useful to include the quotes are good but I would maybe choose one or two to include and try and include the information from the other ones in your own writing? — Preceding unsigned comment added by Evanbooth (talk • contribs) 18:56, 6 March 2018 (UTC)

Copy Edit by Ashley
I completed my copy edit of your writing. Overall you've done a great job! I think that the piece could benefit from some organization of the information under "career". I think breaking that information into two sub-headings "filmmaking" & "style" may help. — Preceding unsigned comment added by A gilla (talk • contribs) 23:42, 9 March 2018 (UTC)