User talk:Alyssalouisey/sandbox

COMMENTS
Nice start, Alyssa. You have some good information here, but I am not sure what article you are thinking of adding this to. You will need to clarify this and then adit accordingly to fit the article. Let me know if you need help figuring this out.

You will also need to transform this from essay-type language to encyclopedia-style language. This is on the wordy side and needs evidence for pretty much everything. So, for example, though I agree that "LGBT older adults have faced much discrimination for their sexual identity within their lifetime," you need to frame this within the context of the research and its importance to the topic more succinctly. The reason this point is important in relationship to this topic is because it shapes LGBT elders' relationship to health care. Start from the research itself. State the most salient points as neutrally and succinctly as possible. Sadly, the last line is one that has proven contentious. You might want to think about how to present this in a way that is more fact-based. For example, you might say something like: The National Resource Center On LGBT Aging argues that .... I look forward to your final edits. --Jbdolphin (talk) 06:57, 14 May 2021 (UTC)

Peer Review: Hi Alyssa! I think that your contributions to this topic are important and I like that you were able to provide sources to back your claims. Though, I think that something that could potentially help regarding creating more edits is perhaps adding more demographics and data. Maybe adding how this changes across states or countries, as well as comparing the data. Overall I think that your work here is great! --Jessicarios627 (talk) 08:09, 20 May 2021 (UTC)