User talk:Amandayeoh/sandbox

Hi Amanda! This article looks great so far — it’s very well researched and organized, and it contains a good amount of detail. The structure is clear and the subheadings make the information flow very nicely. The "in popular culture" section was an especially nice touch. Because it’s in strong shape already, I’m going to give you a few nit-picky notes:

1) I would advise playing with the organization of the first few sections just a bit. To me, it makes more sense intuitively to do historical overview, then architectural form, then social function. And it’s a little confusing that you discuss stylistic influences in both the first and third sections — maybe consolidate?

2) As you edit, I’d pay really close attention to word choice and phrasing. Sometimes your writing come across overly general. For instance:

“influenced the lives of many Peruvian scholars…” — why “lives”? You mean their creative work? Their academic work?

“when the Latin American nation was conquered by the Spaniards” are you referring to the conquest of the Incas? I don’t think Peru could be considered a “Latin American nation” at the time it was conquered.

“This was lost when modern styles were adopted” Be precise.

“The city is imaginary and reminiscent of South America" Be precise; South America's an awfully big place.

Conversely, at times your writing comes across slightly too declarative/could use more nuance. Avoid words like “clearly” and be sure not to frame evaluations as facts e.g. "The abundance of these balconies adds to the particular harmony and originality to this part of the city”…..I’d add a clause like “Architecture critics (or whoever) have claimed that the abundance…”

Really great work! Llculp (talk)

Hey Amanda,

Overall, the article communicates information effectively and seems well organized. Your writing style seems informative and objective, and the information is clear. I have several comments about organization and areas for expansion, but I don't know your topic well, so these might be dead ends.

-It seems like the "colonial architecture", "construction", and "social function" sections all discuss the architectural influences on the balconies - it might be possible to combine discussions of these influences - for example, Arab / Moorish influences are briefly mentioned in the "colonial architecture in Lima" and "construction" sections, but not thoroughly discussed until the "Social Function" section.

- I would be curious to know more about the specific areas of Lima where these balconies are found - what neighborhoods are they in, and what are the social factors at play? Are they only found in the homes of europeans and/or elites, or are they also found in middle class homes?

- On a related note, what do they reveal about social dynamics of Lima - is there something to be said about the confinement of women to a domestic sphere? Or about the struggle to create a private space in the midst of urbanization? These are kind of vague, philosophical questions, but if there are Peruvian novelists or scholars who wrote about the balconies and themes like that, it might be worth mentioning.

I also have several minor notes on phrasing / details

-"The balconies of Lima are a cultural heritage *site* built..."

-"They were adapted for ceremonial purposes" makes it sound like there were religious rituals taking place on the balconies - I think it might be safer to say that they gained social significance and became icons of the architecture of lima (or something like that)

-"Colonial architecture in the Viceroyalty of Peru developed in the 16th to the 19th century, when the Latin American nation was conquered by the Spaniards" - the phrasing here seems a little off and makes it sound like Peru was simultaneously an independent nation and a Viceroyalty, and that it was conquered throughout those 3 centuries (it might be clearer to say it was under Spanish control?)

-In discussing the moorish influence on spanish architecture, and therefor on spanish colonial architecture, it might be worth linking to the page on mudejar, or mudejar architecture

let me know if you have any questions or want more feedback on anything specific. Arlarsen (talk) 22:50, 11 April 2017 (UTC)