User talk:Amathu15/Teaching hospital

MH final comments
This is an impressive research effort! Nicely done. For your final version (due May 8), I would suggest the following refinements:

1. Make sure the citations are integrated throughout the text. For example, could you disaggregate the two citations in the 'Clinical Teaching 1800' section and place them next to their specific facts? Wherever you have more than four lines, check to see if there's room to add more granular citations. The idea is that the user should very easily be able to check each fact for themselves, so try to avoid posting long summaries that cite an article more generally - wherever possible, each fact should link to the appropriate page numbers (this is true for academic writing in general).

2. I'd suggest also tightening up the lead a little bit - think about whether there's a sentence or two you can cut.

Overall, though, nice job! This article is quite well-researched, and unrecognizable from its original form. With a few tweaks, you'll be in very good shape for your final project. — Preceding unsigned comment added by M.hin.ck (talk • contribs) 18:35, 27 April 2020 (UTC)

MH comments
This is looking substantially better than the original! As you revise for your next draft, the following are my suggestions:

1. The History section could use more detail, and I would suggest ordering it chronologically rather than by benefits/challenges. This would conform more to Wikipedia's usual structure and make the article easier to follow. What exactly do you mean, for instance, by 'dilution of medical hospitals'? What were the details of the connection between state licenses for medical practitioners and teaching hospitals (were students required to work at teaching hospitals, or were these simply convenient places to study)? Once you clarify these statements, try dividing it into sub-headings by period; this could help put together facts that are too far separated at the moment, such as your two separate discussions of reasons why hospitals shut down, and eliminate redundancies, such as your multiple discussions of philanthropic support. Also, check citation 6 (which appears a number of times, and seems to be to an unrelated article) - no matter what the source is, it needs corroboration if you're going to use it for that much of the body of the article.

2. Consider what images you'd like for the article. An emblematic teaching hospital, such as Hopkins or Lakeside, might be a good choice. In addition, an organizational diagram could add both color and content to the 'General Organization' section, which is a little vague at the moment.

3. While the 'Treatment and Services' section has a very good treatment of one of the main controversies related to teaching hospitals, consider moving the funding section to 'Organization and Structure', or creating a sub-heading for it.

4. The 'Hierarchy' section could similarly take the form of a sub-heading under the 'Organization' section - think about where it would make most sense, and don't be afraid of nested headings.

5. The 'Culture' section is neat and nicely contextualized. Hard to believe it used to be the whole article...

Also, please post a comment to the Talk page of the original article explaining that you're drafting a new version of this article for a WikiEducation class, providing a short summary of the changes you've made (dividing it into sections, adding information, etc.) so that when you begin moving this across in a couple of weeks, it won't come as a surprise.

Overall, you've made very substantial improvements - good work! Keep revising in the sandbox (all your old drafts are saved automatically), and let me know if you have any questions.

Revisions
Hello! I just wanted to inform you that I have made significant edits to the History Sub-Section of this article. The major change made was the addition of Headings that organize the content chronologically. With the information that was already added, I included examples and years of when certain events occurred in order to make the article easier to follow. I also added headings to the Sub-Section titled Organization, in order to combine content that was related but separated in the initial draft. Finally, I have selected some images that I would like to include in this article. They are from the Johns Hopkins Medical Archives. I have requested access to digital copies of them so that I may later upload them to Wikipedia. Amathu15 (talk) 13:28, 8 April 2020 (UTC)