User talk:Amatrejek

AfC notification: Draft:KOKOON Boutique Without Borders has a new comment
 I've left a comment on your Articles for Creation submission, which can be viewed at Draft:KOKOON Boutique Without Borders. Thanks! LS1979 (talk) 09:43, 21 October 2014 (UTC)

There was actually a problem with saving the comment, so I'll insert it here. It basically suggested that most of the draft article was fine, but that the section about the subsidiary companies was too much like an advert to go live. If you could fix this then it would probably pass. LS1979 (talk) 09:45, 21 October 2014 (UTC)
 * OK, about the brands, they probably need to be sourced anyway. You have a good point about the Macy's article (and that these are defunct brands --- which kind of evaporates the danger of promotion/advertising), although that is just a list of what the brand covered rather than explaining some of the rationale behind the development of a brand, which reads to me as something I'd scrutinise hard in an article from the New Pages patrol page to make sure the person wasn't trying to big up their brands but were giving us pure description.


 * The "Today" part of the article probably needs to de-emphasise statements like "Representatives are encouraged to develop an individualized business that works best for them, including private trunk shows, public events, and one-on-one appointments," which IMO is getting away from pure description of KOKOON. I might also think of a way to say "...KOKOON's business model is designed to offer an ever-changing selection. Spring and Fall collections are introduced each year with new styles being added as items sell out" without the words appearing to puff things up. Have a look at WP:PEACOCK; however, I think this is an edge case - it's not blatant here but in these circumstances you want to err on the side of caution.


 * I don't think it's too bad, however, on a second reading, so if you could maybe source the brands section it might pass. LS1979 (talk) 19:18, 21 October 2014 (UTC)

Your submission at Articles for creation: KOKOON Boutique Without Borders has been accepted
 KOKOON Boutique Without Borders, which you submitted to Articles for creation, has been created. The article has been assessed as B-Class, which is recorded on the article's talk page. You may like to take a look at the grading scheme to see how you can improve the article. You are more than welcome to continue making quality contributions to Wikipedia. . Thank you for helping improve Wikipedia! Jjjjjjdddddd (talk) 06:49, 2 November 2014 (UTC)
 * If you have any questions, you are welcome to ask at the  [//en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Wikipedia:WikiProject_Articles_for_creation/Help_desk&action=edit&section=new&nosummary=1&preload=Template:AfC_talk/HD_preload&preloadparams%5B%5D=User_talk:Amatrejek help desk] .
 * If you would like to help us improve this process, please consider.